birthday weekend

We ended up driving to DC. It was nothing. 3.5 hour total with 30 min break in the middle. It's very satisfying to drive here. You drive a bit, and you can cross the state line. We went from New Jersey, to Delaware, to Maryland, then to DC in that short amount of time. This is not possible in the west where each state is gigantic.
Once we got to DC, we followed our plan of going to the zoo everyday. We had seen the monuments and several other SmithsonianIinstitutes previously and so was not part of the agenda this time. The zoo is also part of the Smithsonian and it was the first time for all of us. Located centrally within the city, it feels more like a city park with bunch of animals. Since it's free to get in, we saw locals strolling through or jogging through the zoo. It's open from 6am to 9pm so it's really wonderful.
We stayed at Omni Shoreham, just a few blocks away from the zoo. Since Terran woke up early, we started our day early and were at the zoo by 8. We woke up the cheetahs and joined the pandas for breakfast. We saw the birds getting their morning worms and having their house cleaned. We took each day nice and easy. Around lunch, we headed back to the hotel, ate a bit, and all took a nap with Terran. Then around 4, we headed out again, to hang out in Adams Morgan and to check out the local playgrounds. I think Terran had a great time. I sure did.



Terran and Pat in front of the Cheetahs early in the morning. They were so close and seemed like they were eyeing Terran for breakfast.... Isn't Terran adorable in this photo? I see him everyday and can't stop thinking about how amazing and wonderful he is. And oh so cute.


The baby panda, Tai Shan, loves to sleep on the tree branches. He climbs way up high and dangles from the skinny branches as he comfortably takes a nap. However, we got lucky on the first day. He made a rare trip to the ground to eat something yummy with his mom. We got to see the mom and the baby side by side and interacting. Although the baby is not that small anymore, over 50 lbs, he is tiny next to a full grown giant panda. Terran curiously watched the two munch away on their snack. Terran and Tai Shan were born on the same day, July 9. The panda caretaker told us that Tai Shan was born around 3 am. Terran was born a bit past noon on the same day. Happy Birthday! I want to give a pat in the back to the mamma panda. I am sure it was a challenging year for her as well.

Terran loves to climb on things. In fact, he is an excellent climber. Even though he cannot yet walk, he climbs really well. Pat propped him up on this giant bird, as he gave me a great smile for my photo.

Almost One

Terran's birthday is coming up (July 9!). He has been a big part of our lives since I found out I was pregnant on Jan 3, 2005. For his first birthday, I thought of throwing a small party for him. But then, there's nap time conflicts. These days, he's up when his friends are sleeping and he's sleeping when everyone else is up. His aunt and uncle are also out of town so it wouldn't be too much fun. So instead, we decided that we will go to DC for the weekend. At the national zoo, his twin baby panda brother, Tai Shan, will also be celebrating his first.

My big question here is to drive or to take the train. Yahoo map shows that it will take us 3 hours to get to our destination. If everything goes well, that's not so bad. But what about traffic? How long does it actually take? I know that we will all have a difficult time sitting in traffic with Terran stuck in his carseat. Another option is to take the amtrak. According to the schedule, it will take us 2.5 hours direct from Trenton station. That's really good and we can also get up and walk around the train. He can jump on the chairs, and crawl up and down the isle like he did on our flight to LA. The negative side to this is that we will have to carry all our crap (and there's a lot of crap to carry when travelling with a baby). The ride is quite pricey; about $360 round trip for 2.

What should I do? How can I find out such information on the web. I should also ask friends and neighbors if they've driven to DC.

Congratulation Patrick!

Last week, we made a trip to LA for Pat's hooding ceremony. He got his PhD in Biomedical Physics. His dissertation title is "Measurements and Caculations towards Quantitative PET and CT Imaging in Small Animals". For more information on Patrick's research, contact him directly. Whatever his research was about, I will never quite understand, but, we are still very proud of his achievement. Here are some pictures of us and Dr. Pat.


The three of us at UCLA.



Waiting in line to get inside for the ceremony at Royce Hall. It started at 7 which is past Terran's bedtime. He seemed pretty tired throughout the ceremony.


Terran couldn't stop looking at Pat in his gown. He's never seen his dad in such a strange outfit.

daycare

I had a job interview today so I took Terran to the daycare for the first time. The daycare is at Pat's work place and that's where he will go when I eventually find a job. When we got there, I immediately felt at ease because the caretaker was nice, in a grandma sort of way. I talked to her for awhile, showed Terran some toys and handed him off to her. As I said my goodbye, he started to cry as did I. We both cried silently with tears in our eyes. It broke my heart.

I was very nervous about the situation so I am not sure if I did all that well on my interview. When I came back at 3, he was sitting in a chair, eating his snacks by himself, while other kids were playing with bubbles. He's hardly ever at one place by himself so this also made me sad. Usually, when he's sitting in his chair, I am always there, sitting next to him, entertaining or talking to him. However, the caretakers told me that he did really well. He didn't cry but was able to play with the caretakers, and also with other kids. They told me that he ate his snacks, loved the books, and loved the bubbles. They said he looked really serious most of the time but was able to get a giggle out of him at one time.

It's hard to say whether I am doing the right thing. But when I finally picked him up, it just felt like he belonged there, in between my arms, and not in a strange baby chair, eating his snacks by himself. I probably do pay too much attention to him, and I probably do hold him too much. This is going to be a very difficult adjustment for me.....

back to normal

The only medicine for a jet lagged baby is time. After one full week of messed up schedule, we finally got back to normal and picked up our routine. And routine is a beautiful thing. I just remembered that being at home shouldn't stop me from posting pictures of Terran.


Terran and Junko, completely exhausted from being jet lagged. Not knowing when it was going to end was scary.


Terran's first time in the pool on Memorial Day weekend '06. He didn't seem to have enjoyed it much here but we've gone a few times since then. And he seemed a bit happier.... The water was a bit cold on this day so we probaby should have waited a bit longer.


I bought new toys for Terran (and Pat). Terran loves playing with his dad. Terran is still very tiny compared to other babies his age. The doctor says it's the genes.... He looks like the smaller version of Pat. But he's matured so much over the last few months. He seems more like a kid than a baby now. He can wave hello to people and smiles often. Very amazing.


A little toy that rolls and makes annoying music. Terran loves to ride on it on the sidewalk with Pat pushing him from the back. On a hot afternoon, he's just in his shirt, diaper, and bib.


Happy camera moment for Terran and Junko. I got him this sippy cup that he actually seem to like to use. He usually chews on the spout and doesn't know what to do with it. Hopefully this one really works.

jet lagged baby

We're back in NJ from Yokohama and this time around, Terran's jet lag is worse. It's been 5 days since we've been back in he is not adjusting. Even worse, he is taking little naps of 4 hours max and no continuous long sleep. Last night, he was up from 9pm to 4am. with a 30 min nap in the middle. We've been getting up and playing with him at night but we are changing tactics today and making him stay in bed. I go to him every 15 min or so to try to calm him down and encourage him to sleep but so far, it's not really working. During the day, he doesn't sleep much either. At most his regular naps. We go out to the park and play and try to stay out in the sunlight. I wonder when it's going to end.... I google for "baby jet lag" but there's really no real advice. tired....

more pictures

Terran and my mom and grandpa's japanese garden in front of the house.

Terran at grandma's, playing with her vacuum cleaner.

Grandpa's calla lily with a little frog.

Terran with his playful naughty face.

Terran and grandma as she offers him more strawberries.

Terran at Yamashita Park in Yokohama on a nice saturday.

a trip to obaa-chan's

Last week, mom, Terran, and I went to Osaka for a couple of days to visit my grandparents. I had not seen them in awhile so it was a trip worth while. It takes a little under 2.5 hours from Yokohama by Shinkansen.

Terran's progress: While at grandma's, he started crawling. What triggered this new trick of his? My aunt brought out a huge bowl of strawberries, freshly picked from grandma's farm. Terran loves strawberries so when he saw them, he just got going. We kept pushing the strawberries away from him, and he just kept moving! Back in Yokohama, he was able to pull himself up to a standing position. I was doing this and that in the kitchen, and when I looked, he was standing, hanging on to some shelves.

At Shin Yokohama station before getting on the Shinkansen.

My grandfather's calla lillies. He has a small farm full of blooming flowers. These were beautiful. He said that in Japanese, they are just called "Calla".

Grandma is giving some strawberries to Terran as he patiently sat and waited for them.

Grandma picking strawberries. They are so sweet and juicy.

Grandpa and Terran. Actually, he would be Terran's great-grandpa. They are more than 80 years apart.

I'm just gonna do photos from now on

We strolled to Akarenga again. Terran is aware of the camera so he's giving me a great pose for the shot.

May 5 is children's day, a national holiday in Japan. Because of this, Yamashita Park was packed with people, especially with children. Terran and I sat on the grass, people/ dog watching. He's not very comfortable on the grass so he's asking me to pick him up.

Here's me and Terran on Children's Day.

Terran is getting more and more acclimated to grandpa. Every morning, the two of them go down stairs to get the newspaper. Today, he is sitting happily on Grandpa's lap for breakfast. Don't you love his orange pants? We just got it for him the other day.

Papa came back from work and Terran was excited to see him.

today's photos

Terran's in a good mood today. Playing at home wearing a compass around his neck.

Today is the first day of Golden Week, 3 consecutive days of national holidays plus Sat. and Sunday. Our neighborhood is packed with tourists today and probably for the rest of the week. There was a parade in Yokohama. It started in Yamashita park so Terran and I walked down to the park to see it. The streets were packed. I've never seen so many people here. It's like being in Shibuya.

After his PM nap, we went to the park again. It was a bit cold but sunny. My mom took this picture of me and Terran. He doesn't usually sit and play on the grass so he seemed uncomfortable.

We talk to Pat every morning via Skype and Yahoo Messenger. We have cameras on both ends so Terran can see his dad and Pat can see his baby and me. When Terran hears Pat or sees him on the screen, he immediately brightens up with a smile. Pat does virtual Peekaboos and wins great big smiles from Terran.

Terran made a new friend during his walk. He played with little "Chai" who is also 9 months old. Terran is not afraid of dogs at all but sometimes, the dogs are hesitant to be touched (also pulled and poked) by a baby.

Mackenzie Thorpe and Terran

We were wondering through a gallery this weekend and came across some artwork by Mackenzie Thorpe. I loved the innocence that he depicted in the big smiles of children. And I loved the colors and the hearts all over his work. Apparently, Terran loved them as well. As I stood there in front on the painting, holding Terran in my arms, he stretched out his hand and moved his fingers, a gesture that he uses when he wants something. I told him that he can't touch it but we talked about how colorful it is and how happy the child looks. I told him that the boy in the painting looks like Terran. Terran was obviously very excited and started talking loudly with a big smile. Then he started clapping his hands. A big sign of approval.

Terran is almost 10 months old. It's hard to determine how much he understands. But by looking at his reaction to the artwork, he showed that he has the ability to interpret the art and appreciate it in his own way. He was also able to express how he felt about it to everyone in that room. I'm a proud mom!

more pictures

Terran and Grandpa hanging out at Akarenga on a really nice sunday. The two brick warehouses have been converted to house restaurants, shops, and galleries in this really popular spot in Yokohama. It's just a 10 minute stroll away from my parents' condo.

Terran likes to go through the magazines in the basket. He flips through the pages, then puts them in his mouth. He puts everything in his mouth.

We went on a very short train ride today to buy a baby chair for Terran. He loves getting on the train and hanging on to the shiny bars. I held him in my Ergo through the trip.

I can't remember why he was crying but he's got tears rolling down his cheeks as I took this picture. My dad thought it was cute.

a trip to tokyo

It's a challenge taking a baby all the way across town and into tokyo. The train stations are full of stairs and miscellaneous pathways going up and down through the building. Shibuya is always packed with people, going in all different direction. Today, we made a trip to Kichijoji, about an hour from Yokohama. The reason for the trip was to visit a spiritual man to consult about Terran's health. Although I always thought that my baby was healthy, my mom was concerned that he is not growing as he should. So she suggested we go see this spiritual man just to make sure everything is OK.

We met him at his office, which also doubles as his work place where he is, coincidently, an architect. His office was tiny, probably the size of a normal American walk-in closet. It had a nice smell, a bit of Japanese incense. One side was lined with books of all types. The other side was lined with desks, with computer, copier, plotter, and miscellaneous stuff. He was a middle aged man, with very kind eyes. He put his hands near Terran to send his powers. I am not sure if Terran was still sleepy, but he quietly rested his head on my shoulder and seemed very comfortable. After about 5 minutes, Terran became a little irritable and bored so he stopped. As I predicted, the spiritual man told us that Terran seems very healthy and growing just fine. He said that Terran is probably pretty tired from traveling and having a hard time adjusting to the new environment. All this I knew. For the next 30 minutes or so, he sent his powers to my mom because she was having problems with her legs. After my mom, he repeated the process with Terran. This time, Terran was more alert and knew what was going on. Everytime the spiritual man puts his hands near Terran to send him powers, Terran would whimper. Sometimes, Terran would take his hand and pushes him away. It seems like Terran feels the powers that is being sent to various parts of his body.

Anyway, it was a long day and it made my mom feel better by getting a confirmation that Terran is just fine. I told her that before but she wouldn't believe me until the spiritual man said the exact same thing as I did. The spiritual man also told me that Terran is a really nice name. We named him so of course I thought so too. Then, later on in the train, my mom asked me where his name came from. So I explained and she was impressed. She never asked me that before....

Again, we went through the crowded train station and came back to Yokohama. Good thing I had my Ergo Baby Carrier. I knew that there were going to be lots of stairs so we didn't bother taking his stroller. I held him on my back using the Ergo and Terran fell asleep comfortably.

Oh, one more thing. We stopped by a bakery on the way home to get some bread for tomorrow. There are so many bakeries in Japan and the bread and pastries there are excellent. The pastry didn't last til tomorrow. I ate it as soon as we got home. hehe :)

just photos

Messing around with grandma:s cell phone.



Photo of Terran with Yokohama:s famous "Akai-kutsu-no-onnanoko" (girl with red shoes). For some reason, all the Japanese children know this song.

Playing with mom at 3am

Looking outside at the morning view of Yokohama.








Finally morning arrives in Yokohama after a long night (around 5am)

sleepless in japan

It is hard to be with a jet lagged baby. He just doesn:t know how to deal with his sleeplessness and ends up sleeping many hours less than usual.

Terran and I are back in Japan for a month. We flew out of Newark on a 13 hour air journey. After a hellish flight of dealing with an excited baby, we landed in Narita and were greeted by my parents. It is the first time for papa to meet Terran and he is just doing anything silly to please the baby. It is really exciting to see how happy he is to have a grandson. A boy is an added bonus after having 3 daughters....

Despite our sleeplessness, we go out for a walk every morning. Unlike our home in Lawrenceville, where there is nothing but trees, squirls, and empty streets, there:s so much to see, hear, and smell in Yokohama. We walk down to Yamashita park and watch the dogs and pigeons having their morning. We walk around the streets and Terran is amazed by cars and buses and trucks whizzing by. We walk around Motomachi shopping area and see what has changed my highschool days (my favorite gelato store was gone...). We walk through Chinatown to see the tourists and the steaming buns being sold on the streets. Terran usually does not like being in the stroller but here in Yokohama, he is so busy capturing his surrounding with all his senses that he is quite happy sitting in his stroller.

We are slowly getting back to our normal sleep pattern and I cannot wait to go for another walk with him.

All about Terran

Here are some recent photos of all of us. That's me and Terran on a nice sunny day. Terran loves the camera and he know to smile in front of it. When he's tired, he will even fake it just to show his sign of recognition.


And here's Pat with Terran on another nice sunny day. We took a drive to Lambertville and Pat carried him on his back in our Ergo Baby Carrier. I love carrying my baby around but as he got heavier, I started having back pains. So I recently bought Ergo which is so great. It's my third carrier that I own and it's definitely the very best. I can carry him in 3 different positions, front, hip, and back, and I can carry him all day long and I don't feel a thing.

Terran has been sick the last few days with fever from his vaccination. This is the worst yet and it is lasting so long. I am so worried and tired but the carrier saves me. He's sick so he just wants to be carried during all his waking hours. So I just put him in the Ergo and go about my day, doing this and that. He even falls asleep in it while I do the dishes or eat my lunch.


Here's Terran today. He's sick but progressively got better. He didn't want to eat dinner but wanted to eat an orange, not little pieces but the big thing. So I peeled one for him and gave him the whole orange. He's eating on the countertop next to the microwave and the rice cooker. He doesn't usually get to sit there so when I let him, he cheers up.
Today was a pretty bad day. He's temperature was lower than yesterday but he was cranky and tired all day long. He couldn't keep his eyes open but would cry when I put him down in bed. And just like yesterday, he demanded to be held all day long. We went outside for just a minute and when we were admiring our tulips, he got bitten by a bug on his eyelids. So he had this red puffy eyes that he kept on scratching.... On top of that, he barely slept last night, so we're both exhausted.
Hope he's better tomorrow....

Month 9

This is Terran in March. Isn't he the most adorable guy? After a cold winter, we had a really warm spring day, so the three of us headed out to Princeton for lunch, then strolled along the canal a bit.

Just a couple of days ago, we went for a 9 month well baby check up at the pediatrician's. I found out that he had gained only about a pound in the last 3 months. In the baby scale, he is 3 percentile for both weight and height. He is 100% breastfed baby and I feel that I've got enough but now, I am not so sure anymore. Even though breastfeeding is known to be better than formula, his lack of growth makes me loose confidence. If we have another one, I may just do formula and do away with breast quickly. Terran got sick 3 times this winter, and I am not really seeing the advantage of breastfeeding too much....

Aside from his size, he is generally a happy baby, who loves the color yellow and loves music. He knows how to play with the tambourine and claps when he does a good job playing with an instrument. We absolutely adore him. And now, I better rush upstairs because he just woke up from his nap!!!

Reyko the nerd

My brainy sister sent an email of her GOOD NEWS, being accepted into Columbia University's PhD program. Now I think about it, I don't even know what she's going to be studying.... Better ask her next time we talk. I am so proud of her but I am also happy because that means that she will be living in New York for at least another 5 years. Which means that Terran will have an aunt and an uncle nearby while he grows up. It's selfish of me but that's what came to mind first when I got her email.

Reyko went to Cornell for undergrad, Princeton for masters, and will attend Columbia for PhD. I told my mom that they are lucky because they only paid tuition for Cornell, and got the other two as added bonus, like buy 1 get 2 free (she received full scholarship for both masters and PhD). Although Reyko doesn't seem to think much of them, the line of brand name school is something my dad can definitely show off to anyone willing to listen. Very proud of her!

family evolution

Within the last few years, family dynamics has changed so much for many reasons.
1. I got married and aquired a new set of parents
2. My sister got married to her classmate from highschool and so I have a new brother-in-law
3. Terran was born
4. Everyone's getting older, or should I say, more mature, especially our little sister
5. Mom comes to visit more because of the baby
6. I speak to my parents at least twice a week, thanks to skype (before it was once a month if lucky)
7. For the first time in 10 years, I live close to Reyko, so I get to see her more
8. I've always been physically close to Wako in the US but now, she is finally alone (and seems to be doing just fine)

Anyway, what went through my mind is that we've all become adults, even the youngest of the family. We've also gained 3 men, which seems to make my dad so happy (now it's even 4 female to 4 male). Now, I don't remember my point of writing this weblog. So I will finish.

Pennsylvania Dutch Farmers Market

I decided to go explore today. I found out that there's a Crate and Barrel outlet nearby! Yay! Can you hear the excitement in my voice? So I loaded up Terran and all our gear and set off. I was excited to go there because I love the Crate and Barrel Outlets I've seen in California. And they tend to have other shops nearby as well so I wanted to see what more may be there. It was about 30 minutes away on a road called "Half Acre Road". I should have known that as with any other New Jersey destinations, there was really nothing around. The name of the road was also misleading. It wasn't just a half acre of nothing. It was hundreds of acres of nothing, and suddenly, there was a huge shiny Crate and Barrel Outlet. I was shoked; it was huge and beautiful, in the middle of some field. It's by far the biggest I've seen. I can't believe I'm only 30 minutes away. The store had lots of stuff, especially nice rugs and furniture. After wondering around in the store for awhile, we decided to go on our expedition no. 2 to the Pennsylvania Dutch Farmers Market. The dutch farmers from Pennsylvania go there 3 days a week to sell their meats, vegetables, cheese, snacks, pickles, and other nick nacks. Most of the sellers were young, probably around my age or less. The women wore these sort of Dutch/ Amish looking outfits with white hat looking thing on their head. Most of the men had beard. Most of them were very pale and a lot of them were blonde. I don't know if they wear that everyday or it's their "farmers market" outfit but it was pretty unusual. I held Terran in a sling in front of me and he was twisting his head this way and that was way, taking in everything. I got a rack on baby back ribs for dinner tonight, which I know pat will devour in no time. I also got bread, and some vegetables and snacks. They had a to go food place in the front so I got a philly cheese steak for me for lunch but it was no good. The best philly cheese steak I've had so far was in Berkeley. But I must keep trying because there must be great ones out here. Off to philadelphia for furniture shopping tomorrow. It's about 50 minutes away and I am hoping that it won't start snowing.

not the easiest thing

After 7 months of becoming a mom, 2 months of moving to New Jersey, and almost 1 month of being a home owner, I realize these are not the easiest thing in the world. In the past week, I've gotten sick and as a result, passed it on to Terran. Now, we are both coughing up phlegm and Terran has snot running down his nose. I feel woozy and feel like calling in sick, but there's no sick days for me. Taking care of the little one is really a 24/7 job.
The new house has it's own quirks. Our laundry machine is upstairs and the first time I used it, it started to rain in our dining room. The problem is fixed but now we have some water stains on the ceiling that has to be dealt with. Last night, the furnace went dead. Thankfully, we had a small space heater, so we put that in our bedroom and all slept together. I kept on waking up Terran with my coughs at night and we slept terribly. We ordered phone service a month ago and still had no dial tone as of 2 days ago, so I called verizon to come take a look. Apparently, there was some problems with the phone box outside so they fixed that. Now, we have a dial tone down stairs but we found out that none of the jacks upstairs are working. I called Verizon again and found out that there's no wiring in the wall to connect the jacks to the actual line.... F*ck. Now, we either have to install new lines, or figure out a way to get the phone line (or maybe something wireless) up there so we can have internet. I also tried to order satellite TV (since we don't like comcast). It took 2 weeks for the installer to come out. Then, he told me that he can't install it because there are too many trees in the area and they will block reception come spring. So my only option is comcast.
After a month of being here, we still have no TV, no internet, and we are hardly settled in. I still need to buy lots of furniture. It's definitely not our home yet.
The house must know when owners change. Just like we need to readjust in different environment or around different people, I can feel that the house is taking its time getting used to us. I am sure that in due time, it will settle down and be more cooperative. I will feel better when we have TV and internet (currently, I am "borrowing" some unknown neighbors wireless line again. It's the only way....)

Music Together

Terran and I started taking a music class in Princeton. It's for babies, of course, so we sing and bang on miscelaneous instruments. I am not sure if he enjoys it. Just like other babies, they seem bewildered and look at each other. But I think it's a lot of fun.
The reason for this blog is regarding a paragraph that I read in the Music Together book.

Some of you mothers may have experienced the following in the delivery room only minutes after the birth of your child. Even with all the hustle and bustle in that room, your baby may have turned his head toward you when you spoke, because he recognized your voice among all the other voices in the room.

It continues to say that 97% of the babies recognize the mother's voice.

It didn't happen exactly that way for Terran but he certainly did recognize my voice. As with most other babies, he came out healthy and crying. He continued, crying, while the nurse handed him to me and Pat cut the umbilical cord. At that moment, with my tiny little baby in my arms, I was completely speechless. I couldn't believe that this was mine and he's been living inside me for the past 37 weeks.

After all that was done, he continued to cry. Pat held him for awhile and they did a couple other things to him, and finally, he was brought back to me. Since he wouldn't be quiet, I just started talking to him. And at that moment, he stopped crying, and looked at me. I told Pat, "see, he knows my voice". And really, my voice was the only thing familiar to him in his new world. Poor baby.

new car

In Los Angeles, we were able to live with one car. Pat took the bus to work, and I got the car. Now, it's necessary for each of us to have a car so we searched and bought a car at the end of the year. It's a Subaru Legacy Outback AWD. For some reason, Pat really wanted that car. I thought it was OK but didn't think we needed to get an AWD. It's a nice car. For the first time, we have power windows, power doors, remote key, CD players, lots of speakers in the car, and sun and moon roof. We didn't have any of that in our 1981 or 1994 Honda Civics. It's really fun to drive and I love being behind the wheel. But one big problem. It's a big time gas hog. Our first tank of gas did us 18.5 miles/gallon. Compare to my 94 civic which can still do 30 miles/ gallon, it's terrible! Believe it or not, Patrick's 1981 civic can do close to 30 as well. (unfortunately, we had to sell that 81 civic to pat's fellow labmate in CA because we thought that the winter here would be too harsh for the car. We barely used the car in recent years but I miss it.... I learnt how to drive in that car and took my driving test in it....) It makes me feel really bad to be driving everywhere with the subaru.
We bought it mainly for Terran's safety. Pat didn't want me to drive around in Subaru in snow with Terran so we got the AWD. I don't really know how to drive in snow but I hope that the gas hog will do it's job and keep us safe.

home

We are getting awefully close to the closing date for our new home. I'm excited that we will finally be able to get out of this "transit" phase without local addresses or phone number. I can't wait to get all my stuff out from the storage. I'm sick of wearing the few item of clothing that I brought with me.
With just a few more days to go, I need to get a chunk of money ready to pay for all the costs. The problem is, no one seems to know just yet, how much everything is going to cost. I am a bit worried because I just want to make sure we have enough, but there's no way of telling until they give me the numbers. Since Pat is working, it's my responsibility to deal with the house. So I make all the phone calls, get utilites working, get house cleaning scheduled etc. etc. and keep entertaining my baby at the same time. Can't wait til it's over....

kissing

I taught Terran how to kiss today. I would kiss him, then put my cheek to his lips and asked him to kiss me. Repeating this over and over again, he finally got the point and started kissing back. He kisses by blowing bubbles from his mouth, so we end up with his saliva running down our cheeks. But it's so cute that we would ask him to do it over and over again!
I am starting to see that he is capable of observing and learning now. It's amazing that babies are able to comprehend so much just 5 months since birth. One of his toys has plastic pages, like a book. He didn't know what to do with it but I showed him how to flip these pages. He quickly learned and now I see him flipping with ease.
When we go out, I am starting to notice that he is very interested in little kids. He made eye contact with a little boy sitting with his mom on the table and he started jumping up and down on my lap with his arms flying everywhere. In another restaurant, a little girl came up to us and started playing and hugging Terran. He was so interested. I am starting to think that he might enjoy spending some time away from me and with other kids. Maybe it is not too early to ease into daycare. Maybe a few hours a week....

crafting

There's been much talk about crafting these days. Martha Stewart, one of my favorite entrepreneurs, is the queen on all crafts. I loved to make things when I was younger. In middle school, I took dress making classes, where I was able to choose fabric and make my own clothes. In an art class, I recreated a mundane pair of pumps into an art piece shoes with wings and jewels. I also continued making clothes, just for fun. After graduating from college, I spend weeks, making my portfolio, organizing images, figuring out a good layout, and tediously binding them.
Recently, I haven't done any sort of crafting and starting to miss it. I like to make things that eventually get used. This probably ties into my excitment in being part of architecture. The final product will be used, abused, and hopefully loved by the occupants. The tedious and meticulous process of working on construction documents is satisfying. It's the mother of all crafts.
If I decide not to go back to work, I need an outlet for crafting. I should consider this and come up with ideas....

a warm day

I never understood when my friend living in Chicago, or when my sister living in New York, tells me "It was a warm day in the 40s". It only gets that cold in LA maybe once or twice a year. That would call for pulling out my warmest sweaters, putting on some thick socks, drinking warm coffee, and eating nice chocolate, curled up on my couch with a blanket and a book.
A couple of days ago, for the first time, I understood the mean a warm day in the 40s. On the previous night, the rain came down and melted most of the snow. In the morning, I woke up to see that the grass was still green underneath all that whiteness! Although the lake remained frozen, the ducks came out to hang out on the ice. The sun was out and when couragously stepped out of the door, it was nice and crisp and quit warm. This is in comparison to the 20s and the teens the temperature has been since we arrived.
I immediately bundled up my little Terran, put him in his carrier, and went for a nice stroll. We both needed that exposure to fresh air. We have both been craving it. The sun was bright and warm, outdoor air was the best in days, and we just had a nice warm day.

house hunting

We began and (hopefully) completed our house hunting in 3 days. We looked at several properties in Robbinsville, NJ on the first day. We were optimistic because the prices were so much lower than those of LA. Robbinsville is a newly developed town where most of the homes were built in the last 10 years. We chose our favorite house for the day; it was 6 years young, 3 bed, 2.5 bath, beautiful townhouse with hardwood floor, granite, kitchen countertop,view of woods in the back, nicely finished basement and more for only $350,000. The only comment that Patrick had at the end of the day was "you do realize that it's a house farm?" Yes.... It's a typical image of suburbia. Nothing but thousands of homes that look identical. But the interior was so beautiful and it felt good.

Next day, we looked in Lawrenceville. It seems that the town is split into two distict areas. One is newly developed area with new condos, big malls, big grocery stores, etc. The other part has a historic feel with farms, cows, small fire station, a small bakery, and a quaint main street. The town is located less than 10 minutes from Princeton, and less than 5 minutes from Patrick's work. The place we saw was in the quaint area of town. It's also a townhouse, 23 years old, 3 bed, 2.5 bath, hardwood floor, fireplace, small patio in the back facing the woods for just under $300,000. It felt cozy and we both knew that this was it. Patrick is optimistic about running to work, and I am happy that big malls and stores are minutes away while we live in a quiet, country like setting. Princeton is also a beautiful town and it reminded us of Berkeley with books and coffee.

We looked a bit more on the 3rd day but we decided to go for the Lawrenceville townhouse. Does it seem rushed? Maybe. But we loved the area, we loved the townhouse, and the price was unbelievable. The contract is signed and we are waiting for it to go through 3 day attorney review before it is finalized that the place is ours! I think it's a perfect starter home, and can't wait to start furnishing it.... given we have some money left for that.... probably not....

Two Thousand Five

I can only think of very few other years that were as intense and life-altering, as this one. One of them is definitely 1987 when I first came to the US. That was the first time for me to gain independence by living away from my family. But more importantly, that's when I learned how to read, write, speak, and even start thinking in a new language; English. This opened up a new world for me. I gain the opportunity to meet and converse with wider range of people, I was introduced to new culture, and through it all, I was able to develop my own mind and identity that I have today. Without that year, 1987, and all the opportunties that became available to me, I would be far different from the person I am today.

This year, 2005, was definitely another one of those year. On January 3, 2005, I found out that I was 10 weeks pregnant. This was just 2 weeks after I started a new job, and one day after Patrick and I came back from a holiday with my family in Japan (pregnancy was originally planned for 2008). On July 9, 3 weeks earlier than expected, Terran was born. I am proud to say that I worked and partied til the night before he decided to come into our world. The following week, Patrick was invited for a job interview in Princeton, New Jersey. Since he still had some time before his graduation, he considered this interview as a trial run for more interviews to follow (Patrick's graduation was originally planned for June 2006). However, 3 weeks later, he accepted their offer and decided that it would be a good push for him to complete his dissertation. He worked very hard for the following 4 months. On November 14, he presented his oral defense in front of his committee members and peers and successfully completed his long academic career with a PhD in Biomedical Physics. The three of us left Los Angeles on December 8 and relocated to Lawrenceville, New Jersey. To add to this long list of major events, on December 12, we put in an offer to buy a townhouse in Lawrenceville. We are about to become first time home owners.

If I had put any thought into what was to happen in 2005, I would have been frightened with the amount of stuff that needed to be done. But luckily, there was no time to think about anything. We just tackled each task, and it feels like everything turned out alright.

I think 2006 will be a quiet year where we get to enjoy all the newness around us. New place, new people, new house, new job, and the new member in our family.

How a place welcomes me

I remember my first day in Los Angeles; I was stuck on the 10, sitting in traffic and shivering with impatience. That’s a classic Los Angeles afternoon that I got so accustomed to over the years.

Now, I just experienced my first day in New Jersey. I got out of bed at 5am and saw snow, coming down hard. In the morning, I realized that our temporary apartment is situated in front of a frozen lake. From the apartment heated nicely at 70 degrees, I looked outside and wonder if I’m every going to step out…. All I saw were other buildings with white roof, cars buried in white snow, continuing snow, and the big frozen lake. We don’t have any food because we haven’t gone shopping yet. Our white rental car is somewhere in the snow and we don’t have a shovel. Neither of us know how to drive in this kind of condition. I am so hungry but we are totally stuck.

We haven’t been set up with a proper internet connection yet but we tap into an available signal of some unknown neighbor. I console myself by googling “how to remove car from snow”.

I crawled back into bed and dreamt about our old place in Los Angeles. Terran and I spent so much time outside in the playground, surrounded by palm trees, and embraced by sunlight. When I needed to pick up some groceries, we would walk to Vons, just 5 minutes away. How am I going to take Terran outside in this kind of weather? The whole place seems lonely, with very few cars, and very few people. I think I will just stay inside and look out the windows….

to work or not to work

There's a big dilemma about whether I should go back to work or not. Patrick doesn't seem to really mind either way so I am just trying to figure this out on my own. Previously being pretty career minded, I predicted that I would be anxious to get back to work after 3 months of baby talk. I thought that I would just find any daycare, good or not, since Terran wouldn't understand a thing anyway. I wanted to work full time, and be a part-time mom. Now it's going on 5 months and I'm sure I can't leave Terran by himself in strangers' arms.
But looking back, I spent so much time in developing myself for my career. I used to like what I did, and usually had pride in my work. There is also some negativity towards stay-at-home moms in this highly capitalistic country. Am I going to allow myself to become the image of domesticity rather than that of modernity? And most importantly, what would be the best for Terran? Will my choice impact his development????

a strike!

My baby went on a nursing strike on Wednesday. It gradually started with a flu that he had. He would nurse for 3 to 5 minutes and usually comes off crying. Then on Tuesday, he got his vaccination. He had fever that night and was very grumpy. The next morning when I tried to nurse him, he arched his back, pulled away from my breast and cried and cried.... This went on for the whole day which coincidentally overlapped with Patrick's final defense for his PhD. I was tired, felt rejected, and helpless, and very stressed. He was always good at nursing. I figured out that the best time to feed him was when he was falling asleep. So I lied down next to him on my bed and fed him. This continued until Saturday, that's 4 days!!!! Today, he is slowly starting to cave in. In the morning, he nursed eagerly and even fell asleep in my arms. It's not perfect yet but I feel a bit relieved.

Going through this experience made me realize that being able to breastfeed my baby is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Although I do it 8 to 10 times in 24 hours, and have been doing it since hours after his birth, it's always an intimate time I share with Terran. When he's sucking away, I just hold his little hand and watch him. With in the next 6 months, he will probably start weaning and I will miss this so much.

During his nursing strike, I was so stressed. In order to deal with it, I ate half a pumpkin pie and 5 big cream puffs (in one day). Amazingly, stress and some successful attempt to breastfeed has kept my weight from going up. In fact, I lost 3 pounds in 2 days. I don't want to go through it again but isn't that amazing?

a day for me

Terran slept a lot during the day so I had a very productive day that focused primarily on me. I got my updated resume back from the resume writer. It looked pretty good but I needed to add more information so I did that and was able to send the revision back to them. I also contacted my old bosses and colleagues for reference. In addition, I called CAB to ensure that I can take exams in other states and apply them to California license. So I feel that I am slowly starting to get myself into the work mode, which is pretty exciting. After all this time off and focusing so much on Terran, it seems like I forgot about myself, my non-mom abilities, and what I was doing before I became his mom. I also caught up on emails and got preapproval on loan to buy a house.

Since he slept so much today, it seems that he is having problems falling asleep for the night. Better go check....

mommy and me

We went to a mommy and me class for the first time. Terran loved the bubbles and colorful balls spinning on the floor. We sang songs, and did baby massages. It was fun but I realized that I don't know these baby songs. I guess they are american songs and I didn't know them. And I don't typically sing to my baby in English so it was a bit weird.

Aside from the baby fun, I learned that I could go watch movies with Terran. Certain theaters have mom and baby movie time once a week where they lower the sound and leave some lights on in the theater. If the baby starts crying, one can just walk the isles with the baby, feed him, or comfort him in whatever way because all the other moms are doing the same. What a great idea. I think I will go see a movie with Terran next week.

as i get older....

birthdays become less and less meaningful. It's just another day, another year. Pat doesn't even remember how old he is anymore. So he asks me how old I am and figures out how old he is. And here we are, counting the months and weeks of our baby since birth. It's definitely a shift in focus.

But last night, my friends got together for me for a birthday dinner with a candled flan and birthday song and all! It was a nice reminder that I turned 29! Thank you!!!

happy birthday to me!

Today was my birthday. We decided to go have a nice lunch at the Getty and hang around the gardens for the afternoon. It sounded like a good idea until Terran decided not to take a nap and got all grumpy on us during lunch. He started crying in the restaurant so I had to take him outside while Pat finished his lunch.... For the record, I had striped bass (yum) and Pat had Oxtail something or another. Terran snuck a few sips from me at the table as well.....

We went to see my favorite cactus garden. With a stroller, it's really hard to get there. It was beautiful and downtown was visible behind smog. The cactus were much bigger than when we first saw them a few years ago. They even had little baby cactus. Very cute.

Terran eventually fell asleep in his stroller so Pat and I lied down on the grass and took a quick nap. Felt like we were playing hooky. What a day. I was exhausted.

la leche league

My stress-free, worry-free days are over. That's what I seem to be doing most of the time these days. Due to nursing strike brought on by Terran, I have been exhausted, worried, helpless, and stressed. So I decided to go to La Leche League meeting to talk about my problem and ask for advice.

When we got there, I noticed lots of kids and lots of boobs. La Leche League, as advocates of breastfeeding, I guess the whole senario made sense. There were babies as young as Terran to toddlers, I guess about 2 years old. Despite their age, they were all still nursing. Women with giant breasts, comfortably sitting and nursing their little ones. That's what I noticed when we got there.

The most important thing was that the moms assured me that they had gone through exactly what Terran and I were going through at the moment. It could be for a number of reasons. But their attitude was yes it's difficult but it happens. It was comforting to know that we were not alone.

Since the meeting was about 1.5 hours, I had to put Terran down on the floor. I put him down on his tummy, and by accident, woops, he rolled over to his back for the first time! I was shocked and surprised but he seemed surprised as well. So we tried again and he did it again. He seemed to be liking it.

Towards the end, I decided to join the boobs and tried feeding Terran. I was a bit afraid but he must have been hungry because to my delight, he was able to nurse for about 5 minutes before he came off crying. Yay!

I'm going to try finding La Leche League when we get to NJ.

purpose driven life

I got the book from the library with the best intention of finding my life's purpose. After flipping through a few chapters and discovering that it was too Christian, I had to put it down. I wouldn't have minded if there were verses from the Bible here and there. But when the guy started saying stuff like there's no life without Jesus, my connection and interest in the book ended there. Too bad. So I am still floating without purpose....

Bath time....

When I wash Terran's cheeks in bath with a warm towel, he rolls back his head and looks like he's getting the ultimate spa treatment of his life. Except, it happens every night. Then he giggles. It's so cute that we wash his cheeks over and over again.

at home....

Pat is far away in Puerto Rico this week. He calls me daily (sometimes twice a day) to check in. Supposedly away on conference, he calls to tell me about his snorkeling adventures and treks to the rain forest, and seeing tiny little frogs. Over the phone, he lets me hear some exotic sounds of frogs. They sound like birds or like someone whistling in the background. But he insists that they are frogs and their beautiful whistles are so loud that they keep him up at night. Thousands of miles away, here in Los Angeles, what keeps me up at night is the sound of Terran calling for me at 1am and 4am....

Terran and I went to a neighbor's birthday party on Sunday. Hajjia is turning 2 and she's adorable. She loves babies and when she saw Terran, she came up to him and rubbed her cheek against his. I met some other neighbor moms found out one big connection among them: They all work to support their families, take care of their children, and pay bills while the husbands go to school for their PhDs. It is now so clear to me that women are so much stronger and are capable of doing so much more than one expects. Without women, families cannot function, and men get nowhere.... It's true.

having chinese parents

Having Chinese parents-in-law has definitely been an eye opening experience. Their mind and their logic is completely different from those of my own. Here are some examples:

1. Pat is sick these days. He's been coughing and he had some fever. He is trying to finish up his dissertation; he is stressed. On top of that, he started exercising again, not lightly, but running 8 miles a day. I know that stress and physical strain were the cause to his sickness. His mom says: "Your sick because you ate so much curry. Don't eat curry any more"....

2. I've been breastfeeding Terran since he was born. In the last 3.5 months, Terran and I have mastered the art of breastfeeding. He knows how to position his head perfectly so that he is most comfortable while he eats. And I know how to hold him so that he is most happy. His mom says: "Don't squish his nose against your boobs when he eats. His nose will be grow deformed and he will be ugly"....

3. During pregnancy, I was careful to eat healthy and avoid foods that could cause problems for the baby, namely raw egg, rare beef, undercooked meat, and sashimi. Here are more things that I avoided taking advice from the in-laws: mango, pinapple, watermelon, snake, and lamb. His dad provided an example from his personal experience: When he was in Hong Kong, 30 years ago, he met a mother who gave birth to an ugly baby with rashes on her face. The reason for her rashes? Because the mom ate watermelon during pregnancy.

4. His dad emailed us with a very important health tip: Don't wash hair with cold water. Also followed by a real life example. A cousin of his didn't listen to her elders and washed her hair with cold water. As a result, after many many years when she became old, she developed migranes so bad that she has to take 3 tylenols daily to deal with it.

When I first heard these kind of advice, I just rolled my eyes and laughed. But these days, it's just getting more and more ridiculous. I don't know how much longer I can handle them. Note to Pat: if your parents tell you these things over the phone, don't relay their message to me. I've heard enough....

I'm a home maker

Until very recently, I focused only on myself. I was the center of the universe, and everything else, everyone else, were there around me. My career was most important and I wanted to grow and succeed.

The birth of my baby, Terran, has completely altered the way I view myself and what's important. I decided not to go back to work for awhile. Mostly because we are moving and there's no point going back for a couple of months. My disability money and family leave money is all gone now. Good thing I saved up enough to not have to worry about money for awhile.

So now, I am at home, making breakfast, lunch and dinner for Patrick, doing daily chores, and still waking up in the middle of the night to feed Terran. There's definitely nothing architectural about my life now. Although I carve to go back to work (mostly so that I can get quiet days in front of the computer - there's nothing more stressful and worrisome than being responsible for a person's life), I realize that there's no life without a family of my own.

I always respected working moms. But now, I have a greater respect for stay-at-home moms also know a s "home makers". My mom was a home maker but I never realized how difficult her job was. Taking care of kids and household is physically and mentally challenging. My baby is getting heavier and heavier, but since he is still immobile, I need to carry him around in my arms for many hours during the day. He is starting to gain some independence, but he still prefers to be cuddled and held. In the afternoon, I try to prepare dinner, but at the same time, Terran gets grumpy and calls for my attention. He takes naps during the day, but it seems to be getting shorter these days, and during his naps, I try to take shower, do the dishes, get something to eat, and clean up the mess around the apartment. People ask me what I do all day and why I'm so busy, but honestly, I've never been busier and I've never had to exert myself as much as I do now. As a result, I fall asleep, completely exhausted at the end of the day, only to be woken up in 4 hours for another feeding....

All this, however, is not a complaint. I love being with Terran, and watching him change day to day. Terran's life has taught me that career is not the most important things in life. Career opportunities are easy to come by. But a relationship with my baby, my husband, and my friends, are really one of a kind. I suppose I will get a job when we settle in the east coast. But I've accepted that it's my job to first stablize the family, then look for something for myself.

EDIT: After re-reading the first paragraph days later, I don't know what I was talking about. I was never than ambitious about work. All I wanted was to love my work and go on vacations....

little sister

My little sister goes t USC. She's 19 now. Ever since she was born, she got attention from everyone in the family, whether she liked it or not (most of the time not, I assume). Mom told her what to do, and everyone tried to help her out. Although my middle sister and I grew up to be very independent, the little one didn't seem that way. She always seemed pretty clueless and irresponsible. She always got help before she even asked. She hardly ever shared her thoughts and feelings with us, although I know that she kept a lot to herself inside.

However, this year, for one reason or another, she seemed to have turned around and brightened up. She changed her major from computer science to business administration and she's loving it. My dad always wanted us girls to study business. At last, she became the one to do it. It seems like she's trying to structure her lifestyle. To a college student, that's very mature. She cooks for herself and for her roommate everyday, and she seems to be exercising frequently. She tells me that she has time to study, be a part of several organizations, and party.

I was always worried about her and how her procrastination, and irresponsible attitude will affect her. But recently, she just seems so different, so grown up, and so delighted. It makes me happy that she is so naturally turning into a beautiful young woman.

Fred Segal Haircut

I was walking along Third Street Promenade when a girl from Fred Segal Salon approached me. She said that she was looking for a hair model to do a contemporary short runway hairstyle and if I was interested and it will be free. I needed a haircut anyway and it's Fred Segal so I thought why not. I didn't think it would be one of the worst hair cut experience in my life. I had the worst haircut experience in college so I wouldn't rank this to be the worst. It's second from the worst.

The hair salon is totally poshe. They have a beautiful waiting lounge with awesome couches. The hair stylist, Hannah, took me to the booth. washed my hair, and started working on the new cut. There were about seven other hair models in the room. They were all getting the same haircut. Hannah worked on my hair one strand at a time. I was impressed by how meticulous she was but I also noticed early on that the length of my hair on one side was a bit longer than the other. 30 minutes into the appointment, I was already getting tired and my hair was still as long as when I walked into the salon. I was getting frustrated but I guess I got myself into this free haircut situation....

I don't know what the issue was with Hannah but she was not a typical hair stylist. Hannah had bad eye sight. I'm sure a lot of hair stylists do. But I've never seen anyone repeatedly put on and removed her glasses as she worked on my hair. In addition, during the 2.5 hour session, she dropped her comb and her sissors number of times. She would cut my hair every so slowly, and at the end, I got the "runway" mushroom cut! I had this haircut when I was in kindergarten!

This so-called runway cut was a style that's really "in" these days, Hannah said. But she wanted to give me a more textured look. Since I wasn't all that thrilled with my retro kindergarten look, I said ok, go ahead.

So she started chomping on my hair to create texture. 3 minutes into the chomping, she screamed and I saw blood. She cut her finger instead of my hair!!!! Agh! I wanted to run but I was in no condition to do so. She left for 10 minutes, came back to finish really quickly, and I dashed out of the salon without getting my hair dried.

At home, when I got all the gel out of my hair, I got some comments from my family. My mom said, I told you not to do it. My husband said, it's not even. My sister said, it's crooked and it looks like there's a patch missing. My son, since he can't talk yet, he just stared at me with big eyes. Thanks everyone.

I'm too cheap to go get it fixed right now. I'm going to let it grow out a bit, then get it fixed. No more hair models. And what's the big deal with Fred Segal???

nap

I took a nap with Terran this morning. When we take naps, I usually wake up before he does. But today, I fell deep into sleep and he was the first to awake. Until recently, he would cry when he wakes. But this morning, lying next to his sleeping mom, he positioned himself perpendicular to my body and started kicking my stomach. I felt him doing this for a long time before I realized what was going on. When I opened my eyes, his bright eyes were calling for me and his legs moving vigorously.
Terran has changed so much in the past few days. He cries less. When he poops, he doesn't scream or make a big deal out of it. He seems to study his surroundings more. He can stay awake without crying. This morning, my mom was able to get him to laugh out loud! When he's hungry in the middle of the night, he would call me rather than to cry. He's such an awesome kid.

French Women Don't Get Fat

I just finished reading it. The book offers some good advice and interesting, easy-to-make recipes. The authors talks about eating 3 meals a day, without skipping breakfast, moderation is the best way to loose weight, and to eat food in season. Although there are lots of great ideas, I just cannot get over my own idea about the author: what kind of an arrogant bitch is she!? Throughout the book, she seems to often repeat her idea that French women are intelligent and sophisticated, and slim, and you, Americans are fat, couch potatoes.
It's just so unfortunate that her derogatory views of American women and way of life is expressed so strongly, while she shows no modesty for her own ways and for her being French. I am surprised that such a book became a best-seller in this country. How can an American woman read this and not be offended? I not even American and I got super offended. I wish she could have kept this thought to herself and not expressed it so rudely in this very public way.
Her way of communicating some noble ways of eating has totally ruined the book for me. I wish I could have liked this book more. I wish she wasn't such a bitch. And I wish she hadn't portrayed the stereotypical snobby way that the French are viewed outside of France.

The truth about motherhood

I hate being asked "So, how does it feel to be a mom?" People ask it with an dreamy smile, only expecting sweet and happy answers. Even parents with kids ask me this question, as if they have already forgotten their first few weeks with a new born baby.
The truth is that it's terrible. It was nothing that I imagined. Folks talk about labor as the most painful experience. Labor is painful, but early motherhood is even worse.
My pain and exhaustion from labor lingered for at least 3 weeks. I couldn't eat, and I just felt tired. I would drag my feet to go around the apartment. I was slouchy and could only walk very slowly. I hear the baby's sounds and sigh. Even through exhaustion, there was no time to sleep. I would get up to feed him in the middle of the night. On our clock, I would see every hour of the day and night go by. While I feed him, I only pray that I would not be awake to see the next hour go by. I cried often, from exhausting and hormonal imbalance.
After 9 weeks, I have more energy. The baby sleeps better at night. My mom is here and helps me keep my sanity. She and I would go out shopping with the baby in his cart. Strangers peek in and says how adorable he is. Little do they know that he's a tiny monster at home. My husband comes home at night and says how he missed him. I am only too willing to hand over the task. But somehow, I can't completely let go. I sit close by and watch him hold and talk to the baby.
A couple of weeks ago, he gave us his first smiles. It is adorable. When I peek into his crib, he sees me, and hears me, and smiles. I live for that recognition. It feels like he knows that I am his mom.

getty

Ever since Terran hit the age of one month, the three of us (Terran, Mom, and I) have been going out almost daily. So yesterday, we went to the Getty since my mom hasn't been there yet. The advantage of being able to hang out on the weekday is that hardly anyone else is doing it. The Restaurant was only have full so we were able to have a nice lunch there while Terran slept. We walked around the gardens and went into some exhibit spaces. Terran loved lying in the sun but it was a bit too bright for him so I let him borrow my sunglasses....

many changes

This year has been filled with surprises. On January 3, I found out about my pregancy (already 10 weeks in). Then on July 9, we had our baby. Now in August, Patrick decided on a job, and we will be moving out of California by the end of the year. In the beginning of next year, we are probably going to buy a house, I will probably start a new job, find new friends, and hope everything works out fine. None of this was planned. It just all happened and we do our best to keep up with the changes. Everyday, I am trying to learn quickly, to be the best mom I can be for Terran, and prepare myself for the next step in our life. I am growing up very very fast.

Death of Peter Jennings

The death of star ABC anchor was a shock to America and the world. Peter Jennings died of lung cancer. According to the recent ABC special on Peter Jennings, he was a heavy smoker who stopped smoking 20 years ago when his children were born. In one of his last TV appearances, he admitted that he caved in and smoked during 9/11, due to stress and pressure. That was just that rare occasion. During his career, he held many interviews and investigations on the tabacco industry and uncover many of the facts that we know today.
All this made me think of my dad. He loves his cigarettes. My mom and I were talking and we guessed what he would say about this. "He quit 20 years ago and he still died because of cigarettes. Why should I stop now?" Next time we talk, I should confirm his thoughts.