The truth about motherhood

I hate being asked "So, how does it feel to be a mom?" People ask it with an dreamy smile, only expecting sweet and happy answers. Even parents with kids ask me this question, as if they have already forgotten their first few weeks with a new born baby.
The truth is that it's terrible. It was nothing that I imagined. Folks talk about labor as the most painful experience. Labor is painful, but early motherhood is even worse.
My pain and exhaustion from labor lingered for at least 3 weeks. I couldn't eat, and I just felt tired. I would drag my feet to go around the apartment. I was slouchy and could only walk very slowly. I hear the baby's sounds and sigh. Even through exhaustion, there was no time to sleep. I would get up to feed him in the middle of the night. On our clock, I would see every hour of the day and night go by. While I feed him, I only pray that I would not be awake to see the next hour go by. I cried often, from exhausting and hormonal imbalance.
After 9 weeks, I have more energy. The baby sleeps better at night. My mom is here and helps me keep my sanity. She and I would go out shopping with the baby in his cart. Strangers peek in and says how adorable he is. Little do they know that he's a tiny monster at home. My husband comes home at night and says how he missed him. I am only too willing to hand over the task. But somehow, I can't completely let go. I sit close by and watch him hold and talk to the baby.
A couple of weeks ago, he gave us his first smiles. It is adorable. When I peek into his crib, he sees me, and hears me, and smiles. I live for that recognition. It feels like he knows that I am his mom.