We are getting awefully close to the closing date for our new home. I'm excited that we will finally be able to get out of this "transit" phase without local addresses or phone number. I can't wait to get all my stuff out from the storage. I'm sick of wearing the few item of clothing that I brought with me.
With just a few more days to go, I need to get a chunk of money ready to pay for all the costs. The problem is, no one seems to know just yet, how much everything is going to cost. I am a bit worried because I just want to make sure we have enough, but there's no way of telling until they give me the numbers. Since Pat is working, it's my responsibility to deal with the house. So I make all the phone calls, get utilites working, get house cleaning scheduled etc. etc. and keep entertaining my baby at the same time. Can't wait til it's over....
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
kissing
I taught Terran how to kiss today. I would kiss him, then put my cheek to his lips and asked him to kiss me. Repeating this over and over again, he finally got the point and started kissing back. He kisses by blowing bubbles from his mouth, so we end up with his saliva running down our cheeks. But it's so cute that we would ask him to do it over and over again!
I am starting to see that he is capable of observing and learning now. It's amazing that babies are able to comprehend so much just 5 months since birth. One of his toys has plastic pages, like a book. He didn't know what to do with it but I showed him how to flip these pages. He quickly learned and now I see him flipping with ease.
When we go out, I am starting to notice that he is very interested in little kids. He made eye contact with a little boy sitting with his mom on the table and he started jumping up and down on my lap with his arms flying everywhere. In another restaurant, a little girl came up to us and started playing and hugging Terran. He was so interested. I am starting to think that he might enjoy spending some time away from me and with other kids. Maybe it is not too early to ease into daycare. Maybe a few hours a week....
I am starting to see that he is capable of observing and learning now. It's amazing that babies are able to comprehend so much just 5 months since birth. One of his toys has plastic pages, like a book. He didn't know what to do with it but I showed him how to flip these pages. He quickly learned and now I see him flipping with ease.
When we go out, I am starting to notice that he is very interested in little kids. He made eye contact with a little boy sitting with his mom on the table and he started jumping up and down on my lap with his arms flying everywhere. In another restaurant, a little girl came up to us and started playing and hugging Terran. He was so interested. I am starting to think that he might enjoy spending some time away from me and with other kids. Maybe it is not too early to ease into daycare. Maybe a few hours a week....
Monday, December 19, 2005
crafting
There's been much talk about crafting these days. Martha Stewart, one of my favorite entrepreneurs, is the queen on all crafts. I loved to make things when I was younger. In middle school, I took dress making classes, where I was able to choose fabric and make my own clothes. In an art class, I recreated a mundane pair of pumps into an art piece shoes with wings and jewels. I also continued making clothes, just for fun. After graduating from college, I spend weeks, making my portfolio, organizing images, figuring out a good layout, and tediously binding them.
Recently, I haven't done any sort of crafting and starting to miss it. I like to make things that eventually get used. This probably ties into my excitment in being part of architecture. The final product will be used, abused, and hopefully loved by the occupants. The tedious and meticulous process of working on construction documents is satisfying. It's the mother of all crafts.
If I decide not to go back to work, I need an outlet for crafting. I should consider this and come up with ideas....
Recently, I haven't done any sort of crafting and starting to miss it. I like to make things that eventually get used. This probably ties into my excitment in being part of architecture. The final product will be used, abused, and hopefully loved by the occupants. The tedious and meticulous process of working on construction documents is satisfying. It's the mother of all crafts.
If I decide not to go back to work, I need an outlet for crafting. I should consider this and come up with ideas....
Sunday, December 18, 2005
a warm day
I never understood when my friend living in Chicago, or when my sister living in New York, tells me "It was a warm day in the 40s". It only gets that cold in LA maybe once or twice a year. That would call for pulling out my warmest sweaters, putting on some thick socks, drinking warm coffee, and eating nice chocolate, curled up on my couch with a blanket and a book.
A couple of days ago, for the first time, I understood the mean a warm day in the 40s. On the previous night, the rain came down and melted most of the snow. In the morning, I woke up to see that the grass was still green underneath all that whiteness! Although the lake remained frozen, the ducks came out to hang out on the ice. The sun was out and when couragously stepped out of the door, it was nice and crisp and quit warm. This is in comparison to the 20s and the teens the temperature has been since we arrived.
I immediately bundled up my little Terran, put him in his carrier, and went for a nice stroll. We both needed that exposure to fresh air. We have both been craving it. The sun was bright and warm, outdoor air was the best in days, and we just had a nice warm day.
A couple of days ago, for the first time, I understood the mean a warm day in the 40s. On the previous night, the rain came down and melted most of the snow. In the morning, I woke up to see that the grass was still green underneath all that whiteness! Although the lake remained frozen, the ducks came out to hang out on the ice. The sun was out and when couragously stepped out of the door, it was nice and crisp and quit warm. This is in comparison to the 20s and the teens the temperature has been since we arrived.
I immediately bundled up my little Terran, put him in his carrier, and went for a nice stroll. We both needed that exposure to fresh air. We have both been craving it. The sun was bright and warm, outdoor air was the best in days, and we just had a nice warm day.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
house hunting
We began and (hopefully) completed our house hunting in 3 days. We looked at several properties in Robbinsville, NJ on the first day. We were optimistic because the prices were so much lower than those of LA. Robbinsville is a newly developed town where most of the homes were built in the last 10 years. We chose our favorite house for the day; it was 6 years young, 3 bed, 2.5 bath, beautiful townhouse with hardwood floor, granite, kitchen countertop,view of woods in the back, nicely finished basement and more for only $350,000. The only comment that Patrick had at the end of the day was "you do realize that it's a house farm?" Yes.... It's a typical image of suburbia. Nothing but thousands of homes that look identical. But the interior was so beautiful and it felt good.
Next day, we looked in Lawrenceville. It seems that the town is split into two distict areas. One is newly developed area with new condos, big malls, big grocery stores, etc. The other part has a historic feel with farms, cows, small fire station, a small bakery, and a quaint main street. The town is located less than 10 minutes from Princeton, and less than 5 minutes from Patrick's work. The place we saw was in the quaint area of town. It's also a townhouse, 23 years old, 3 bed, 2.5 bath, hardwood floor, fireplace, small patio in the back facing the woods for just under $300,000. It felt cozy and we both knew that this was it. Patrick is optimistic about running to work, and I am happy that big malls and stores are minutes away while we live in a quiet, country like setting. Princeton is also a beautiful town and it reminded us of Berkeley with books and coffee.
We looked a bit more on the 3rd day but we decided to go for the Lawrenceville townhouse. Does it seem rushed? Maybe. But we loved the area, we loved the townhouse, and the price was unbelievable. The contract is signed and we are waiting for it to go through 3 day attorney review before it is finalized that the place is ours! I think it's a perfect starter home, and can't wait to start furnishing it.... given we have some money left for that.... probably not....
Next day, we looked in Lawrenceville. It seems that the town is split into two distict areas. One is newly developed area with new condos, big malls, big grocery stores, etc. The other part has a historic feel with farms, cows, small fire station, a small bakery, and a quaint main street. The town is located less than 10 minutes from Princeton, and less than 5 minutes from Patrick's work. The place we saw was in the quaint area of town. It's also a townhouse, 23 years old, 3 bed, 2.5 bath, hardwood floor, fireplace, small patio in the back facing the woods for just under $300,000. It felt cozy and we both knew that this was it. Patrick is optimistic about running to work, and I am happy that big malls and stores are minutes away while we live in a quiet, country like setting. Princeton is also a beautiful town and it reminded us of Berkeley with books and coffee.
We looked a bit more on the 3rd day but we decided to go for the Lawrenceville townhouse. Does it seem rushed? Maybe. But we loved the area, we loved the townhouse, and the price was unbelievable. The contract is signed and we are waiting for it to go through 3 day attorney review before it is finalized that the place is ours! I think it's a perfect starter home, and can't wait to start furnishing it.... given we have some money left for that.... probably not....
Two Thousand Five
I can only think of very few other years that were as intense and life-altering, as this one. One of them is definitely 1987 when I first came to the US. That was the first time for me to gain independence by living away from my family. But more importantly, that's when I learned how to read, write, speak, and even start thinking in a new language; English. This opened up a new world for me. I gain the opportunity to meet and converse with wider range of people, I was introduced to new culture, and through it all, I was able to develop my own mind and identity that I have today. Without that year, 1987, and all the opportunties that became available to me, I would be far different from the person I am today.
This year, 2005, was definitely another one of those year. On January 3, 2005, I found out that I was 10 weeks pregnant. This was just 2 weeks after I started a new job, and one day after Patrick and I came back from a holiday with my family in Japan (pregnancy was originally planned for 2008). On July 9, 3 weeks earlier than expected, Terran was born. I am proud to say that I worked and partied til the night before he decided to come into our world. The following week, Patrick was invited for a job interview in Princeton, New Jersey. Since he still had some time before his graduation, he considered this interview as a trial run for more interviews to follow (Patrick's graduation was originally planned for June 2006). However, 3 weeks later, he accepted their offer and decided that it would be a good push for him to complete his dissertation. He worked very hard for the following 4 months. On November 14, he presented his oral defense in front of his committee members and peers and successfully completed his long academic career with a PhD in Biomedical Physics. The three of us left Los Angeles on December 8 and relocated to Lawrenceville, New Jersey. To add to this long list of major events, on December 12, we put in an offer to buy a townhouse in Lawrenceville. We are about to become first time home owners.
If I had put any thought into what was to happen in 2005, I would have been frightened with the amount of stuff that needed to be done. But luckily, there was no time to think about anything. We just tackled each task, and it feels like everything turned out alright.
I think 2006 will be a quiet year where we get to enjoy all the newness around us. New place, new people, new house, new job, and the new member in our family.
This year, 2005, was definitely another one of those year. On January 3, 2005, I found out that I was 10 weeks pregnant. This was just 2 weeks after I started a new job, and one day after Patrick and I came back from a holiday with my family in Japan (pregnancy was originally planned for 2008). On July 9, 3 weeks earlier than expected, Terran was born. I am proud to say that I worked and partied til the night before he decided to come into our world. The following week, Patrick was invited for a job interview in Princeton, New Jersey. Since he still had some time before his graduation, he considered this interview as a trial run for more interviews to follow (Patrick's graduation was originally planned for June 2006). However, 3 weeks later, he accepted their offer and decided that it would be a good push for him to complete his dissertation. He worked very hard for the following 4 months. On November 14, he presented his oral defense in front of his committee members and peers and successfully completed his long academic career with a PhD in Biomedical Physics. The three of us left Los Angeles on December 8 and relocated to Lawrenceville, New Jersey. To add to this long list of major events, on December 12, we put in an offer to buy a townhouse in Lawrenceville. We are about to become first time home owners.
If I had put any thought into what was to happen in 2005, I would have been frightened with the amount of stuff that needed to be done. But luckily, there was no time to think about anything. We just tackled each task, and it feels like everything turned out alright.
I think 2006 will be a quiet year where we get to enjoy all the newness around us. New place, new people, new house, new job, and the new member in our family.
Monday, December 12, 2005
How a place welcomes me
I remember my first day in
Now, I just experienced my first day in
We haven’t been set up with a proper internet connection yet but we tap into an available signal of some unknown neighbor. I console myself by googling “how to remove car from snow”.
I crawled back into bed and dreamt about our old place in
Monday, December 05, 2005
to work or not to work
There's a big dilemma about whether I should go back to work or not. Patrick doesn't seem to really mind either way so I am just trying to figure this out on my own. Previously being pretty career minded, I predicted that I would be anxious to get back to work after 3 months of baby talk. I thought that I would just find any daycare, good or not, since Terran wouldn't understand a thing anyway. I wanted to work full time, and be a part-time mom. Now it's going on 5 months and I'm sure I can't leave Terran by himself in strangers' arms.
But looking back, I spent so much time in developing myself for my career. I used to like what I did, and usually had pride in my work. There is also some negativity towards stay-at-home moms in this highly capitalistic country. Am I going to allow myself to become the image of domesticity rather than that of modernity? And most importantly, what would be the best for Terran? Will my choice impact his development????
But looking back, I spent so much time in developing myself for my career. I used to like what I did, and usually had pride in my work. There is also some negativity towards stay-at-home moms in this highly capitalistic country. Am I going to allow myself to become the image of domesticity rather than that of modernity? And most importantly, what would be the best for Terran? Will my choice impact his development????
Monday, November 28, 2005
a strike!
My baby went on a nursing strike on Wednesday. It gradually started with a flu that he had. He would nurse for 3 to 5 minutes and usually comes off crying. Then on Tuesday, he got his vaccination. He had fever that night and was very grumpy. The next morning when I tried to nurse him, he arched his back, pulled away from my breast and cried and cried.... This went on for the whole day which coincidentally overlapped with Patrick's final defense for his PhD. I was tired, felt rejected, and helpless, and very stressed. He was always good at nursing. I figured out that the best time to feed him was when he was falling asleep. So I lied down next to him on my bed and fed him. This continued until Saturday, that's 4 days!!!! Today, he is slowly starting to cave in. In the morning, he nursed eagerly and even fell asleep in my arms. It's not perfect yet but I feel a bit relieved.
Going through this experience made me realize that being able to breastfeed my baby is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Although I do it 8 to 10 times in 24 hours, and have been doing it since hours after his birth, it's always an intimate time I share with Terran. When he's sucking away, I just hold his little hand and watch him. With in the next 6 months, he will probably start weaning and I will miss this so much.
During his nursing strike, I was so stressed. In order to deal with it, I ate half a pumpkin pie and 5 big cream puffs (in one day). Amazingly, stress and some successful attempt to breastfeed has kept my weight from going up. In fact, I lost 3 pounds in 2 days. I don't want to go through it again but isn't that amazing?
a day for me
Terran slept a lot during the day so I had a very productive day that focused primarily on me. I got my updated resume back from the resume writer. It looked pretty good but I needed to add more information so I did that and was able to send the revision back to them. I also contacted my old bosses and colleagues for reference. In addition, I called CAB to ensure that I can take exams in other states and apply them to California license. So I feel that I am slowly starting to get myself into the work mode, which is pretty exciting. After all this time off and focusing so much on Terran, it seems like I forgot about myself, my non-mom abilities, and what I was doing before I became his mom. I also caught up on emails and got preapproval on loan to buy a house.
Since he slept so much today, it seems that he is having problems falling asleep for the night. Better go check....
Since he slept so much today, it seems that he is having problems falling asleep for the night. Better go check....
Thursday, November 17, 2005
mommy and me
We went to a mommy and me class for the first time. Terran loved the bubbles and colorful balls spinning on the floor. We sang songs, and did baby massages. It was fun but I realized that I don't know these baby songs. I guess they are american songs and I didn't know them. And I don't typically sing to my baby in English so it was a bit weird.
Aside from the baby fun, I learned that I could go watch movies with Terran. Certain theaters have mom and baby movie time once a week where they lower the sound and leave some lights on in the theater. If the baby starts crying, one can just walk the isles with the baby, feed him, or comfort him in whatever way because all the other moms are doing the same. What a great idea. I think I will go see a movie with Terran next week.
Aside from the baby fun, I learned that I could go watch movies with Terran. Certain theaters have mom and baby movie time once a week where they lower the sound and leave some lights on in the theater. If the baby starts crying, one can just walk the isles with the baby, feed him, or comfort him in whatever way because all the other moms are doing the same. What a great idea. I think I will go see a movie with Terran next week.
as i get older....
birthdays become less and less meaningful. It's just another day, another year. Pat doesn't even remember how old he is anymore. So he asks me how old I am and figures out how old he is. And here we are, counting the months and weeks of our baby since birth. It's definitely a shift in focus.
But last night, my friends got together for me for a birthday dinner with a candled flan and birthday song and all! It was a nice reminder that I turned 29! Thank you!!!
But last night, my friends got together for me for a birthday dinner with a candled flan and birthday song and all! It was a nice reminder that I turned 29! Thank you!!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
happy birthday to me!
Today was my birthday. We decided to go have a nice lunch at the Getty and hang around the gardens for the afternoon. It sounded like a good idea until Terran decided not to take a nap and got all grumpy on us during lunch. He started crying in the restaurant so I had to take him outside while Pat finished his lunch.... For the record, I had striped bass (yum) and Pat had Oxtail something or another. Terran snuck a few sips from me at the table as well.....
We went to see my favorite cactus garden. With a stroller, it's really hard to get there. It was beautiful and downtown was visible behind smog. The cactus were much bigger than when we first saw them a few years ago. They even had little baby cactus. Very cute.
Terran eventually fell asleep in his stroller so Pat and I lied down on the grass and took a quick nap. Felt like we were playing hooky. What a day. I was exhausted.
We went to see my favorite cactus garden. With a stroller, it's really hard to get there. It was beautiful and downtown was visible behind smog. The cactus were much bigger than when we first saw them a few years ago. They even had little baby cactus. Very cute.
Terran eventually fell asleep in his stroller so Pat and I lied down on the grass and took a quick nap. Felt like we were playing hooky. What a day. I was exhausted.
Monday, November 14, 2005
la leche league
My stress-free, worry-free days are over. That's what I seem to be doing most of the time these days. Due to nursing strike brought on by Terran, I have been exhausted, worried, helpless, and stressed. So I decided to go to La Leche League meeting to talk about my problem and ask for advice.
When we got there, I noticed lots of kids and lots of boobs. La Leche League, as advocates of breastfeeding, I guess the whole senario made sense. There were babies as young as Terran to toddlers, I guess about 2 years old. Despite their age, they were all still nursing. Women with giant breasts, comfortably sitting and nursing their little ones. That's what I noticed when we got there.
The most important thing was that the moms assured me that they had gone through exactly what Terran and I were going through at the moment. It could be for a number of reasons. But their attitude was yes it's difficult but it happens. It was comforting to know that we were not alone.
Since the meeting was about 1.5 hours, I had to put Terran down on the floor. I put him down on his tummy, and by accident, woops, he rolled over to his back for the first time! I was shocked and surprised but he seemed surprised as well. So we tried again and he did it again. He seemed to be liking it.
Towards the end, I decided to join the boobs and tried feeding Terran. I was a bit afraid but he must have been hungry because to my delight, he was able to nurse for about 5 minutes before he came off crying. Yay!
I'm going to try finding La Leche League when we get to NJ.
When we got there, I noticed lots of kids and lots of boobs. La Leche League, as advocates of breastfeeding, I guess the whole senario made sense. There were babies as young as Terran to toddlers, I guess about 2 years old. Despite their age, they were all still nursing. Women with giant breasts, comfortably sitting and nursing their little ones. That's what I noticed when we got there.
The most important thing was that the moms assured me that they had gone through exactly what Terran and I were going through at the moment. It could be for a number of reasons. But their attitude was yes it's difficult but it happens. It was comforting to know that we were not alone.
Since the meeting was about 1.5 hours, I had to put Terran down on the floor. I put him down on his tummy, and by accident, woops, he rolled over to his back for the first time! I was shocked and surprised but he seemed surprised as well. So we tried again and he did it again. He seemed to be liking it.
Towards the end, I decided to join the boobs and tried feeding Terran. I was a bit afraid but he must have been hungry because to my delight, he was able to nurse for about 5 minutes before he came off crying. Yay!
I'm going to try finding La Leche League when we get to NJ.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
purpose driven life
I got the book from the library with the best intention of finding my life's purpose. After flipping through a few chapters and discovering that it was too Christian, I had to put it down. I wouldn't have minded if there were verses from the Bible here and there. But when the guy started saying stuff like there's no life without Jesus, my connection and interest in the book ended there. Too bad. So I am still floating without purpose....
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Bath time....
When I wash Terran's cheeks in bath with a warm towel, he rolls back his head and looks like he's getting the ultimate spa treatment of his life. Except, it happens every night. Then he giggles. It's so cute that we wash his cheeks over and over again.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
at home....
Pat is far away in Puerto Rico this week. He calls me daily (sometimes twice a day) to check in. Supposedly away on conference, he calls to tell me about his snorkeling adventures and treks to the rain forest, and seeing tiny little frogs. Over the phone, he lets me hear some exotic sounds of frogs. They sound like birds or like someone whistling in the background. But he insists that they are frogs and their beautiful whistles are so loud that they keep him up at night. Thousands of miles away, here in Los Angeles, what keeps me up at night is the sound of Terran calling for me at 1am and 4am....
Terran and I went to a neighbor's birthday party on Sunday. Hajjia is turning 2 and she's adorable. She loves babies and when she saw Terran, she came up to him and rubbed her cheek against his. I met some other neighbor moms found out one big connection among them: They all work to support their families, take care of their children, and pay bills while the husbands go to school for their PhDs. It is now so clear to me that women are so much stronger and are capable of doing so much more than one expects. Without women, families cannot function, and men get nowhere.... It's true.
Terran and I went to a neighbor's birthday party on Sunday. Hajjia is turning 2 and she's adorable. She loves babies and when she saw Terran, she came up to him and rubbed her cheek against his. I met some other neighbor moms found out one big connection among them: They all work to support their families, take care of their children, and pay bills while the husbands go to school for their PhDs. It is now so clear to me that women are so much stronger and are capable of doing so much more than one expects. Without women, families cannot function, and men get nowhere.... It's true.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
having chinese parents
Having Chinese parents-in-law has definitely been an eye opening experience. Their mind and their logic is completely different from those of my own. Here are some examples:
1. Pat is sick these days. He's been coughing and he had some fever. He is trying to finish up his dissertation; he is stressed. On top of that, he started exercising again, not lightly, but running 8 miles a day. I know that stress and physical strain were the cause to his sickness. His mom says: "Your sick because you ate so much curry. Don't eat curry any more"....
2. I've been breastfeeding Terran since he was born. In the last 3.5 months, Terran and I have mastered the art of breastfeeding. He knows how to position his head perfectly so that he is most comfortable while he eats. And I know how to hold him so that he is most happy. His mom says: "Don't squish his nose against your boobs when he eats. His nose will be grow deformed and he will be ugly"....
3. During pregnancy, I was careful to eat healthy and avoid foods that could cause problems for the baby, namely raw egg, rare beef, undercooked meat, and sashimi. Here are more things that I avoided taking advice from the in-laws: mango, pinapple, watermelon, snake, and lamb. His dad provided an example from his personal experience: When he was in Hong Kong, 30 years ago, he met a mother who gave birth to an ugly baby with rashes on her face. The reason for her rashes? Because the mom ate watermelon during pregnancy.
4. His dad emailed us with a very important health tip: Don't wash hair with cold water. Also followed by a real life example. A cousin of his didn't listen to her elders and washed her hair with cold water. As a result, after many many years when she became old, she developed migranes so bad that she has to take 3 tylenols daily to deal with it.
When I first heard these kind of advice, I just rolled my eyes and laughed. But these days, it's just getting more and more ridiculous. I don't know how much longer I can handle them. Note to Pat: if your parents tell you these things over the phone, don't relay their message to me. I've heard enough....
1. Pat is sick these days. He's been coughing and he had some fever. He is trying to finish up his dissertation; he is stressed. On top of that, he started exercising again, not lightly, but running 8 miles a day. I know that stress and physical strain were the cause to his sickness. His mom says: "Your sick because you ate so much curry. Don't eat curry any more"....
2. I've been breastfeeding Terran since he was born. In the last 3.5 months, Terran and I have mastered the art of breastfeeding. He knows how to position his head perfectly so that he is most comfortable while he eats. And I know how to hold him so that he is most happy. His mom says: "Don't squish his nose against your boobs when he eats. His nose will be grow deformed and he will be ugly"....
3. During pregnancy, I was careful to eat healthy and avoid foods that could cause problems for the baby, namely raw egg, rare beef, undercooked meat, and sashimi. Here are more things that I avoided taking advice from the in-laws: mango, pinapple, watermelon, snake, and lamb. His dad provided an example from his personal experience: When he was in Hong Kong, 30 years ago, he met a mother who gave birth to an ugly baby with rashes on her face. The reason for her rashes? Because the mom ate watermelon during pregnancy.
4. His dad emailed us with a very important health tip: Don't wash hair with cold water. Also followed by a real life example. A cousin of his didn't listen to her elders and washed her hair with cold water. As a result, after many many years when she became old, she developed migranes so bad that she has to take 3 tylenols daily to deal with it.
When I first heard these kind of advice, I just rolled my eyes and laughed. But these days, it's just getting more and more ridiculous. I don't know how much longer I can handle them. Note to Pat: if your parents tell you these things over the phone, don't relay their message to me. I've heard enough....
Monday, October 17, 2005
I'm a home maker
Until very recently, I focused only on myself. I was the center of the universe, and everything else, everyone else, were there around me. My career was most important and I wanted to grow and succeed.
The birth of my baby, Terran, has completely altered the way I view myself and what's important. I decided not to go back to work for awhile. Mostly because we are moving and there's no point going back for a couple of months. My disability money and family leave money is all gone now. Good thing I saved up enough to not have to worry about money for awhile.
So now, I am at home, making breakfast, lunch and dinner for Patrick, doing daily chores, and still waking up in the middle of the night to feed Terran. There's definitely nothing architectural about my life now. Although I carve to go back to work (mostly so that I can get quiet days in front of the computer - there's nothing more stressful and worrisome than being responsible for a person's life), I realize that there's no life without a family of my own.
I always respected working moms. But now, I have a greater respect for stay-at-home moms also know a s "home makers". My mom was a home maker but I never realized how difficult her job was. Taking care of kids and household is physically and mentally challenging. My baby is getting heavier and heavier, but since he is still immobile, I need to carry him around in my arms for many hours during the day. He is starting to gain some independence, but he still prefers to be cuddled and held. In the afternoon, I try to prepare dinner, but at the same time, Terran gets grumpy and calls for my attention. He takes naps during the day, but it seems to be getting shorter these days, and during his naps, I try to take shower, do the dishes, get something to eat, and clean up the mess around the apartment. People ask me what I do all day and why I'm so busy, but honestly, I've never been busier and I've never had to exert myself as much as I do now. As a result, I fall asleep, completely exhausted at the end of the day, only to be woken up in 4 hours for another feeding....
All this, however, is not a complaint. I love being with Terran, and watching him change day to day. Terran's life has taught me that career is not the most important things in life. Career opportunities are easy to come by. But a relationship with my baby, my husband, and my friends, are really one of a kind. I suppose I will get a job when we settle in the east coast. But I've accepted that it's my job to first stablize the family, then look for something for myself.
EDIT: After re-reading the first paragraph days later, I don't know what I was talking about. I was never than ambitious about work. All I wanted was to love my work and go on vacations....
The birth of my baby, Terran, has completely altered the way I view myself and what's important. I decided not to go back to work for awhile. Mostly because we are moving and there's no point going back for a couple of months. My disability money and family leave money is all gone now. Good thing I saved up enough to not have to worry about money for awhile.
So now, I am at home, making breakfast, lunch and dinner for Patrick, doing daily chores, and still waking up in the middle of the night to feed Terran. There's definitely nothing architectural about my life now. Although I carve to go back to work (mostly so that I can get quiet days in front of the computer - there's nothing more stressful and worrisome than being responsible for a person's life), I realize that there's no life without a family of my own.
I always respected working moms. But now, I have a greater respect for stay-at-home moms also know a s "home makers". My mom was a home maker but I never realized how difficult her job was. Taking care of kids and household is physically and mentally challenging. My baby is getting heavier and heavier, but since he is still immobile, I need to carry him around in my arms for many hours during the day. He is starting to gain some independence, but he still prefers to be cuddled and held. In the afternoon, I try to prepare dinner, but at the same time, Terran gets grumpy and calls for my attention. He takes naps during the day, but it seems to be getting shorter these days, and during his naps, I try to take shower, do the dishes, get something to eat, and clean up the mess around the apartment. People ask me what I do all day and why I'm so busy, but honestly, I've never been busier and I've never had to exert myself as much as I do now. As a result, I fall asleep, completely exhausted at the end of the day, only to be woken up in 4 hours for another feeding....
All this, however, is not a complaint. I love being with Terran, and watching him change day to day. Terran's life has taught me that career is not the most important things in life. Career opportunities are easy to come by. But a relationship with my baby, my husband, and my friends, are really one of a kind. I suppose I will get a job when we settle in the east coast. But I've accepted that it's my job to first stablize the family, then look for something for myself.
EDIT: After re-reading the first paragraph days later, I don't know what I was talking about. I was never than ambitious about work. All I wanted was to love my work and go on vacations....
Saturday, October 15, 2005
little sister
My little sister goes t USC. She's 19 now. Ever since she was born, she got attention from everyone in the family, whether she liked it or not (most of the time not, I assume). Mom told her what to do, and everyone tried to help her out. Although my middle sister and I grew up to be very independent, the little one didn't seem that way. She always seemed pretty clueless and irresponsible. She always got help before she even asked. She hardly ever shared her thoughts and feelings with us, although I know that she kept a lot to herself inside.
However, this year, for one reason or another, she seemed to have turned around and brightened up. She changed her major from computer science to business administration and she's loving it. My dad always wanted us girls to study business. At last, she became the one to do it. It seems like she's trying to structure her lifestyle. To a college student, that's very mature. She cooks for herself and for her roommate everyday, and she seems to be exercising frequently. She tells me that she has time to study, be a part of several organizations, and party.
I was always worried about her and how her procrastination, and irresponsible attitude will affect her. But recently, she just seems so different, so grown up, and so delighted. It makes me happy that she is so naturally turning into a beautiful young woman.
However, this year, for one reason or another, she seemed to have turned around and brightened up. She changed her major from computer science to business administration and she's loving it. My dad always wanted us girls to study business. At last, she became the one to do it. It seems like she's trying to structure her lifestyle. To a college student, that's very mature. She cooks for herself and for her roommate everyday, and she seems to be exercising frequently. She tells me that she has time to study, be a part of several organizations, and party.
I was always worried about her and how her procrastination, and irresponsible attitude will affect her. But recently, she just seems so different, so grown up, and so delighted. It makes me happy that she is so naturally turning into a beautiful young woman.
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