Reyko the nerd

My brainy sister sent an email of her GOOD NEWS, being accepted into Columbia University's PhD program. Now I think about it, I don't even know what she's going to be studying.... Better ask her next time we talk. I am so proud of her but I am also happy because that means that she will be living in New York for at least another 5 years. Which means that Terran will have an aunt and an uncle nearby while he grows up. It's selfish of me but that's what came to mind first when I got her email.

Reyko went to Cornell for undergrad, Princeton for masters, and will attend Columbia for PhD. I told my mom that they are lucky because they only paid tuition for Cornell, and got the other two as added bonus, like buy 1 get 2 free (she received full scholarship for both masters and PhD). Although Reyko doesn't seem to think much of them, the line of brand name school is something my dad can definitely show off to anyone willing to listen. Very proud of her!

family evolution

Within the last few years, family dynamics has changed so much for many reasons.
1. I got married and aquired a new set of parents
2. My sister got married to her classmate from highschool and so I have a new brother-in-law
3. Terran was born
4. Everyone's getting older, or should I say, more mature, especially our little sister
5. Mom comes to visit more because of the baby
6. I speak to my parents at least twice a week, thanks to skype (before it was once a month if lucky)
7. For the first time in 10 years, I live close to Reyko, so I get to see her more
8. I've always been physically close to Wako in the US but now, she is finally alone (and seems to be doing just fine)

Anyway, what went through my mind is that we've all become adults, even the youngest of the family. We've also gained 3 men, which seems to make my dad so happy (now it's even 4 female to 4 male). Now, I don't remember my point of writing this weblog. So I will finish.

Pennsylvania Dutch Farmers Market

I decided to go explore today. I found out that there's a Crate and Barrel outlet nearby! Yay! Can you hear the excitement in my voice? So I loaded up Terran and all our gear and set off. I was excited to go there because I love the Crate and Barrel Outlets I've seen in California. And they tend to have other shops nearby as well so I wanted to see what more may be there. It was about 30 minutes away on a road called "Half Acre Road". I should have known that as with any other New Jersey destinations, there was really nothing around. The name of the road was also misleading. It wasn't just a half acre of nothing. It was hundreds of acres of nothing, and suddenly, there was a huge shiny Crate and Barrel Outlet. I was shoked; it was huge and beautiful, in the middle of some field. It's by far the biggest I've seen. I can't believe I'm only 30 minutes away. The store had lots of stuff, especially nice rugs and furniture. After wondering around in the store for awhile, we decided to go on our expedition no. 2 to the Pennsylvania Dutch Farmers Market. The dutch farmers from Pennsylvania go there 3 days a week to sell their meats, vegetables, cheese, snacks, pickles, and other nick nacks. Most of the sellers were young, probably around my age or less. The women wore these sort of Dutch/ Amish looking outfits with white hat looking thing on their head. Most of the men had beard. Most of them were very pale and a lot of them were blonde. I don't know if they wear that everyday or it's their "farmers market" outfit but it was pretty unusual. I held Terran in a sling in front of me and he was twisting his head this way and that was way, taking in everything. I got a rack on baby back ribs for dinner tonight, which I know pat will devour in no time. I also got bread, and some vegetables and snacks. They had a to go food place in the front so I got a philly cheese steak for me for lunch but it was no good. The best philly cheese steak I've had so far was in Berkeley. But I must keep trying because there must be great ones out here. Off to philadelphia for furniture shopping tomorrow. It's about 50 minutes away and I am hoping that it won't start snowing.

not the easiest thing

After 7 months of becoming a mom, 2 months of moving to New Jersey, and almost 1 month of being a home owner, I realize these are not the easiest thing in the world. In the past week, I've gotten sick and as a result, passed it on to Terran. Now, we are both coughing up phlegm and Terran has snot running down his nose. I feel woozy and feel like calling in sick, but there's no sick days for me. Taking care of the little one is really a 24/7 job.
The new house has it's own quirks. Our laundry machine is upstairs and the first time I used it, it started to rain in our dining room. The problem is fixed but now we have some water stains on the ceiling that has to be dealt with. Last night, the furnace went dead. Thankfully, we had a small space heater, so we put that in our bedroom and all slept together. I kept on waking up Terran with my coughs at night and we slept terribly. We ordered phone service a month ago and still had no dial tone as of 2 days ago, so I called verizon to come take a look. Apparently, there was some problems with the phone box outside so they fixed that. Now, we have a dial tone down stairs but we found out that none of the jacks upstairs are working. I called Verizon again and found out that there's no wiring in the wall to connect the jacks to the actual line.... F*ck. Now, we either have to install new lines, or figure out a way to get the phone line (or maybe something wireless) up there so we can have internet. I also tried to order satellite TV (since we don't like comcast). It took 2 weeks for the installer to come out. Then, he told me that he can't install it because there are too many trees in the area and they will block reception come spring. So my only option is comcast.
After a month of being here, we still have no TV, no internet, and we are hardly settled in. I still need to buy lots of furniture. It's definitely not our home yet.
The house must know when owners change. Just like we need to readjust in different environment or around different people, I can feel that the house is taking its time getting used to us. I am sure that in due time, it will settle down and be more cooperative. I will feel better when we have TV and internet (currently, I am "borrowing" some unknown neighbors wireless line again. It's the only way....)

Music Together

Terran and I started taking a music class in Princeton. It's for babies, of course, so we sing and bang on miscelaneous instruments. I am not sure if he enjoys it. Just like other babies, they seem bewildered and look at each other. But I think it's a lot of fun.
The reason for this blog is regarding a paragraph that I read in the Music Together book.

Some of you mothers may have experienced the following in the delivery room only minutes after the birth of your child. Even with all the hustle and bustle in that room, your baby may have turned his head toward you when you spoke, because he recognized your voice among all the other voices in the room.

It continues to say that 97% of the babies recognize the mother's voice.

It didn't happen exactly that way for Terran but he certainly did recognize my voice. As with most other babies, he came out healthy and crying. He continued, crying, while the nurse handed him to me and Pat cut the umbilical cord. At that moment, with my tiny little baby in my arms, I was completely speechless. I couldn't believe that this was mine and he's been living inside me for the past 37 weeks.

After all that was done, he continued to cry. Pat held him for awhile and they did a couple other things to him, and finally, he was brought back to me. Since he wouldn't be quiet, I just started talking to him. And at that moment, he stopped crying, and looked at me. I told Pat, "see, he knows my voice". And really, my voice was the only thing familiar to him in his new world. Poor baby.

new car

In Los Angeles, we were able to live with one car. Pat took the bus to work, and I got the car. Now, it's necessary for each of us to have a car so we searched and bought a car at the end of the year. It's a Subaru Legacy Outback AWD. For some reason, Pat really wanted that car. I thought it was OK but didn't think we needed to get an AWD. It's a nice car. For the first time, we have power windows, power doors, remote key, CD players, lots of speakers in the car, and sun and moon roof. We didn't have any of that in our 1981 or 1994 Honda Civics. It's really fun to drive and I love being behind the wheel. But one big problem. It's a big time gas hog. Our first tank of gas did us 18.5 miles/gallon. Compare to my 94 civic which can still do 30 miles/ gallon, it's terrible! Believe it or not, Patrick's 1981 civic can do close to 30 as well. (unfortunately, we had to sell that 81 civic to pat's fellow labmate in CA because we thought that the winter here would be too harsh for the car. We barely used the car in recent years but I miss it.... I learnt how to drive in that car and took my driving test in it....) It makes me feel really bad to be driving everywhere with the subaru.
We bought it mainly for Terran's safety. Pat didn't want me to drive around in Subaru in snow with Terran so we got the AWD. I don't really know how to drive in snow but I hope that the gas hog will do it's job and keep us safe.

home

We are getting awefully close to the closing date for our new home. I'm excited that we will finally be able to get out of this "transit" phase without local addresses or phone number. I can't wait to get all my stuff out from the storage. I'm sick of wearing the few item of clothing that I brought with me.
With just a few more days to go, I need to get a chunk of money ready to pay for all the costs. The problem is, no one seems to know just yet, how much everything is going to cost. I am a bit worried because I just want to make sure we have enough, but there's no way of telling until they give me the numbers. Since Pat is working, it's my responsibility to deal with the house. So I make all the phone calls, get utilites working, get house cleaning scheduled etc. etc. and keep entertaining my baby at the same time. Can't wait til it's over....

kissing

I taught Terran how to kiss today. I would kiss him, then put my cheek to his lips and asked him to kiss me. Repeating this over and over again, he finally got the point and started kissing back. He kisses by blowing bubbles from his mouth, so we end up with his saliva running down our cheeks. But it's so cute that we would ask him to do it over and over again!
I am starting to see that he is capable of observing and learning now. It's amazing that babies are able to comprehend so much just 5 months since birth. One of his toys has plastic pages, like a book. He didn't know what to do with it but I showed him how to flip these pages. He quickly learned and now I see him flipping with ease.
When we go out, I am starting to notice that he is very interested in little kids. He made eye contact with a little boy sitting with his mom on the table and he started jumping up and down on my lap with his arms flying everywhere. In another restaurant, a little girl came up to us and started playing and hugging Terran. He was so interested. I am starting to think that he might enjoy spending some time away from me and with other kids. Maybe it is not too early to ease into daycare. Maybe a few hours a week....

crafting

There's been much talk about crafting these days. Martha Stewart, one of my favorite entrepreneurs, is the queen on all crafts. I loved to make things when I was younger. In middle school, I took dress making classes, where I was able to choose fabric and make my own clothes. In an art class, I recreated a mundane pair of pumps into an art piece shoes with wings and jewels. I also continued making clothes, just for fun. After graduating from college, I spend weeks, making my portfolio, organizing images, figuring out a good layout, and tediously binding them.
Recently, I haven't done any sort of crafting and starting to miss it. I like to make things that eventually get used. This probably ties into my excitment in being part of architecture. The final product will be used, abused, and hopefully loved by the occupants. The tedious and meticulous process of working on construction documents is satisfying. It's the mother of all crafts.
If I decide not to go back to work, I need an outlet for crafting. I should consider this and come up with ideas....

a warm day

I never understood when my friend living in Chicago, or when my sister living in New York, tells me "It was a warm day in the 40s". It only gets that cold in LA maybe once or twice a year. That would call for pulling out my warmest sweaters, putting on some thick socks, drinking warm coffee, and eating nice chocolate, curled up on my couch with a blanket and a book.
A couple of days ago, for the first time, I understood the mean a warm day in the 40s. On the previous night, the rain came down and melted most of the snow. In the morning, I woke up to see that the grass was still green underneath all that whiteness! Although the lake remained frozen, the ducks came out to hang out on the ice. The sun was out and when couragously stepped out of the door, it was nice and crisp and quit warm. This is in comparison to the 20s and the teens the temperature has been since we arrived.
I immediately bundled up my little Terran, put him in his carrier, and went for a nice stroll. We both needed that exposure to fresh air. We have both been craving it. The sun was bright and warm, outdoor air was the best in days, and we just had a nice warm day.

house hunting

We began and (hopefully) completed our house hunting in 3 days. We looked at several properties in Robbinsville, NJ on the first day. We were optimistic because the prices were so much lower than those of LA. Robbinsville is a newly developed town where most of the homes were built in the last 10 years. We chose our favorite house for the day; it was 6 years young, 3 bed, 2.5 bath, beautiful townhouse with hardwood floor, granite, kitchen countertop,view of woods in the back, nicely finished basement and more for only $350,000. The only comment that Patrick had at the end of the day was "you do realize that it's a house farm?" Yes.... It's a typical image of suburbia. Nothing but thousands of homes that look identical. But the interior was so beautiful and it felt good.

Next day, we looked in Lawrenceville. It seems that the town is split into two distict areas. One is newly developed area with new condos, big malls, big grocery stores, etc. The other part has a historic feel with farms, cows, small fire station, a small bakery, and a quaint main street. The town is located less than 10 minutes from Princeton, and less than 5 minutes from Patrick's work. The place we saw was in the quaint area of town. It's also a townhouse, 23 years old, 3 bed, 2.5 bath, hardwood floor, fireplace, small patio in the back facing the woods for just under $300,000. It felt cozy and we both knew that this was it. Patrick is optimistic about running to work, and I am happy that big malls and stores are minutes away while we live in a quiet, country like setting. Princeton is also a beautiful town and it reminded us of Berkeley with books and coffee.

We looked a bit more on the 3rd day but we decided to go for the Lawrenceville townhouse. Does it seem rushed? Maybe. But we loved the area, we loved the townhouse, and the price was unbelievable. The contract is signed and we are waiting for it to go through 3 day attorney review before it is finalized that the place is ours! I think it's a perfect starter home, and can't wait to start furnishing it.... given we have some money left for that.... probably not....

Two Thousand Five

I can only think of very few other years that were as intense and life-altering, as this one. One of them is definitely 1987 when I first came to the US. That was the first time for me to gain independence by living away from my family. But more importantly, that's when I learned how to read, write, speak, and even start thinking in a new language; English. This opened up a new world for me. I gain the opportunity to meet and converse with wider range of people, I was introduced to new culture, and through it all, I was able to develop my own mind and identity that I have today. Without that year, 1987, and all the opportunties that became available to me, I would be far different from the person I am today.

This year, 2005, was definitely another one of those year. On January 3, 2005, I found out that I was 10 weeks pregnant. This was just 2 weeks after I started a new job, and one day after Patrick and I came back from a holiday with my family in Japan (pregnancy was originally planned for 2008). On July 9, 3 weeks earlier than expected, Terran was born. I am proud to say that I worked and partied til the night before he decided to come into our world. The following week, Patrick was invited for a job interview in Princeton, New Jersey. Since he still had some time before his graduation, he considered this interview as a trial run for more interviews to follow (Patrick's graduation was originally planned for June 2006). However, 3 weeks later, he accepted their offer and decided that it would be a good push for him to complete his dissertation. He worked very hard for the following 4 months. On November 14, he presented his oral defense in front of his committee members and peers and successfully completed his long academic career with a PhD in Biomedical Physics. The three of us left Los Angeles on December 8 and relocated to Lawrenceville, New Jersey. To add to this long list of major events, on December 12, we put in an offer to buy a townhouse in Lawrenceville. We are about to become first time home owners.

If I had put any thought into what was to happen in 2005, I would have been frightened with the amount of stuff that needed to be done. But luckily, there was no time to think about anything. We just tackled each task, and it feels like everything turned out alright.

I think 2006 will be a quiet year where we get to enjoy all the newness around us. New place, new people, new house, new job, and the new member in our family.

How a place welcomes me

I remember my first day in Los Angeles; I was stuck on the 10, sitting in traffic and shivering with impatience. That’s a classic Los Angeles afternoon that I got so accustomed to over the years.

Now, I just experienced my first day in New Jersey. I got out of bed at 5am and saw snow, coming down hard. In the morning, I realized that our temporary apartment is situated in front of a frozen lake. From the apartment heated nicely at 70 degrees, I looked outside and wonder if I’m every going to step out…. All I saw were other buildings with white roof, cars buried in white snow, continuing snow, and the big frozen lake. We don’t have any food because we haven’t gone shopping yet. Our white rental car is somewhere in the snow and we don’t have a shovel. Neither of us know how to drive in this kind of condition. I am so hungry but we are totally stuck.

We haven’t been set up with a proper internet connection yet but we tap into an available signal of some unknown neighbor. I console myself by googling “how to remove car from snow”.

I crawled back into bed and dreamt about our old place in Los Angeles. Terran and I spent so much time outside in the playground, surrounded by palm trees, and embraced by sunlight. When I needed to pick up some groceries, we would walk to Vons, just 5 minutes away. How am I going to take Terran outside in this kind of weather? The whole place seems lonely, with very few cars, and very few people. I think I will just stay inside and look out the windows….

to work or not to work

There's a big dilemma about whether I should go back to work or not. Patrick doesn't seem to really mind either way so I am just trying to figure this out on my own. Previously being pretty career minded, I predicted that I would be anxious to get back to work after 3 months of baby talk. I thought that I would just find any daycare, good or not, since Terran wouldn't understand a thing anyway. I wanted to work full time, and be a part-time mom. Now it's going on 5 months and I'm sure I can't leave Terran by himself in strangers' arms.
But looking back, I spent so much time in developing myself for my career. I used to like what I did, and usually had pride in my work. There is also some negativity towards stay-at-home moms in this highly capitalistic country. Am I going to allow myself to become the image of domesticity rather than that of modernity? And most importantly, what would be the best for Terran? Will my choice impact his development????

a strike!

My baby went on a nursing strike on Wednesday. It gradually started with a flu that he had. He would nurse for 3 to 5 minutes and usually comes off crying. Then on Tuesday, he got his vaccination. He had fever that night and was very grumpy. The next morning when I tried to nurse him, he arched his back, pulled away from my breast and cried and cried.... This went on for the whole day which coincidentally overlapped with Patrick's final defense for his PhD. I was tired, felt rejected, and helpless, and very stressed. He was always good at nursing. I figured out that the best time to feed him was when he was falling asleep. So I lied down next to him on my bed and fed him. This continued until Saturday, that's 4 days!!!! Today, he is slowly starting to cave in. In the morning, he nursed eagerly and even fell asleep in my arms. It's not perfect yet but I feel a bit relieved.

Going through this experience made me realize that being able to breastfeed my baby is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Although I do it 8 to 10 times in 24 hours, and have been doing it since hours after his birth, it's always an intimate time I share with Terran. When he's sucking away, I just hold his little hand and watch him. With in the next 6 months, he will probably start weaning and I will miss this so much.

During his nursing strike, I was so stressed. In order to deal with it, I ate half a pumpkin pie and 5 big cream puffs (in one day). Amazingly, stress and some successful attempt to breastfeed has kept my weight from going up. In fact, I lost 3 pounds in 2 days. I don't want to go through it again but isn't that amazing?

a day for me

Terran slept a lot during the day so I had a very productive day that focused primarily on me. I got my updated resume back from the resume writer. It looked pretty good but I needed to add more information so I did that and was able to send the revision back to them. I also contacted my old bosses and colleagues for reference. In addition, I called CAB to ensure that I can take exams in other states and apply them to California license. So I feel that I am slowly starting to get myself into the work mode, which is pretty exciting. After all this time off and focusing so much on Terran, it seems like I forgot about myself, my non-mom abilities, and what I was doing before I became his mom. I also caught up on emails and got preapproval on loan to buy a house.

Since he slept so much today, it seems that he is having problems falling asleep for the night. Better go check....

mommy and me

We went to a mommy and me class for the first time. Terran loved the bubbles and colorful balls spinning on the floor. We sang songs, and did baby massages. It was fun but I realized that I don't know these baby songs. I guess they are american songs and I didn't know them. And I don't typically sing to my baby in English so it was a bit weird.

Aside from the baby fun, I learned that I could go watch movies with Terran. Certain theaters have mom and baby movie time once a week where they lower the sound and leave some lights on in the theater. If the baby starts crying, one can just walk the isles with the baby, feed him, or comfort him in whatever way because all the other moms are doing the same. What a great idea. I think I will go see a movie with Terran next week.

as i get older....

birthdays become less and less meaningful. It's just another day, another year. Pat doesn't even remember how old he is anymore. So he asks me how old I am and figures out how old he is. And here we are, counting the months and weeks of our baby since birth. It's definitely a shift in focus.

But last night, my friends got together for me for a birthday dinner with a candled flan and birthday song and all! It was a nice reminder that I turned 29! Thank you!!!

happy birthday to me!

Today was my birthday. We decided to go have a nice lunch at the Getty and hang around the gardens for the afternoon. It sounded like a good idea until Terran decided not to take a nap and got all grumpy on us during lunch. He started crying in the restaurant so I had to take him outside while Pat finished his lunch.... For the record, I had striped bass (yum) and Pat had Oxtail something or another. Terran snuck a few sips from me at the table as well.....

We went to see my favorite cactus garden. With a stroller, it's really hard to get there. It was beautiful and downtown was visible behind smog. The cactus were much bigger than when we first saw them a few years ago. They even had little baby cactus. Very cute.

Terran eventually fell asleep in his stroller so Pat and I lied down on the grass and took a quick nap. Felt like we were playing hooky. What a day. I was exhausted.

la leche league

My stress-free, worry-free days are over. That's what I seem to be doing most of the time these days. Due to nursing strike brought on by Terran, I have been exhausted, worried, helpless, and stressed. So I decided to go to La Leche League meeting to talk about my problem and ask for advice.

When we got there, I noticed lots of kids and lots of boobs. La Leche League, as advocates of breastfeeding, I guess the whole senario made sense. There were babies as young as Terran to toddlers, I guess about 2 years old. Despite their age, they were all still nursing. Women with giant breasts, comfortably sitting and nursing their little ones. That's what I noticed when we got there.

The most important thing was that the moms assured me that they had gone through exactly what Terran and I were going through at the moment. It could be for a number of reasons. But their attitude was yes it's difficult but it happens. It was comforting to know that we were not alone.

Since the meeting was about 1.5 hours, I had to put Terran down on the floor. I put him down on his tummy, and by accident, woops, he rolled over to his back for the first time! I was shocked and surprised but he seemed surprised as well. So we tried again and he did it again. He seemed to be liking it.

Towards the end, I decided to join the boobs and tried feeding Terran. I was a bit afraid but he must have been hungry because to my delight, he was able to nurse for about 5 minutes before he came off crying. Yay!

I'm going to try finding La Leche League when we get to NJ.