Being Chinese

In this country, most of my friends don't consider me as Chinese because I am from Japan. And my first name is Japanese. And my parents live in Japan. And I speak Japanese. But in Japan, growing up, I was probably more defined as Chinese because I have a Chinese last name. And my dad is Chinese.

Last night, I was talking to my Japanese mom, who is now a licensed nursery school teacher/ caregiver in Japan. She's never had a job when we were growing up so even though she only works part time, this is the first job that she's had in a long long time. Anyway, she works at a nursery school in Yokohama Chinatown. In this tiny block of crowded Chinatown is a preK-12 Taiwanese School. For preschool, however, the language and curriculum is primarily in Japanese, with hints of Chinese here and there. Most of the teachers are Japanese. Most of the students are Japanese with some Chinese, Americans, and Europeans here and there.

According to my mom, most teachers in the school don't really like the Chinese kids. Mostly because the kids' moms, the Chinese moms, don't understand Japanese and can't really communicate with the teachers, and because they are different. My mom sees this and complains about it on the phone to me often. So she picks up what's missing, and gives love to the Chinese kids as much as she could. I thought the whole thing was totally messed up. Come on, they are just kids - treat them equally.

Then I started thinking that maybe she sees her own 3 Chinese daughters in these kids that she cares for. My mom told me that she was strict about education and appearance when we were growing up because she didn't want other Japanese to look at us and think negatively of the Chinese in general. Japanese do tend to discriminate and I even felt some of this as a kid (like when my first grade teacher made fun of my last name; and that time when I was spending a night at my friend's place and scooped an over generous bowl of rice for dinner to everyone - my friend's mom commented that her family is not Chinese, and Japanese only serve a small amounts of rice per bowl; no big deal, I know, but I was hurt and it still makes me a little tear thinking about this....)

Now, with 3 kids and one of the few Asian families around, I feel the sight lines from strangers around us. We're a bit like a circus when we go out - just because of our color and our number. And now I'm starting to think like my mom. I do have to really pay attention to my kids - they do need to do well in school and they do need to look clean - as do I. I feel a bit responsible too keep up the reputation for the rest of the Chinese population - which, in this area includes all Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Thai, Philippinos, Malaysians, and Indians. What heavy burden on my shoulders. I better go loose some lbs, brush my teeth, and go shopping.