a strike!

My baby went on a nursing strike on Wednesday. It gradually started with a flu that he had. He would nurse for 3 to 5 minutes and usually comes off crying. Then on Tuesday, he got his vaccination. He had fever that night and was very grumpy. The next morning when I tried to nurse him, he arched his back, pulled away from my breast and cried and cried.... This went on for the whole day which coincidentally overlapped with Patrick's final defense for his PhD. I was tired, felt rejected, and helpless, and very stressed. He was always good at nursing. I figured out that the best time to feed him was when he was falling asleep. So I lied down next to him on my bed and fed him. This continued until Saturday, that's 4 days!!!! Today, he is slowly starting to cave in. In the morning, he nursed eagerly and even fell asleep in my arms. It's not perfect yet but I feel a bit relieved.

Going through this experience made me realize that being able to breastfeed my baby is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Although I do it 8 to 10 times in 24 hours, and have been doing it since hours after his birth, it's always an intimate time I share with Terran. When he's sucking away, I just hold his little hand and watch him. With in the next 6 months, he will probably start weaning and I will miss this so much.

During his nursing strike, I was so stressed. In order to deal with it, I ate half a pumpkin pie and 5 big cream puffs (in one day). Amazingly, stress and some successful attempt to breastfeed has kept my weight from going up. In fact, I lost 3 pounds in 2 days. I don't want to go through it again but isn't that amazing?

a day for me

Terran slept a lot during the day so I had a very productive day that focused primarily on me. I got my updated resume back from the resume writer. It looked pretty good but I needed to add more information so I did that and was able to send the revision back to them. I also contacted my old bosses and colleagues for reference. In addition, I called CAB to ensure that I can take exams in other states and apply them to California license. So I feel that I am slowly starting to get myself into the work mode, which is pretty exciting. After all this time off and focusing so much on Terran, it seems like I forgot about myself, my non-mom abilities, and what I was doing before I became his mom. I also caught up on emails and got preapproval on loan to buy a house.

Since he slept so much today, it seems that he is having problems falling asleep for the night. Better go check....

mommy and me

We went to a mommy and me class for the first time. Terran loved the bubbles and colorful balls spinning on the floor. We sang songs, and did baby massages. It was fun but I realized that I don't know these baby songs. I guess they are american songs and I didn't know them. And I don't typically sing to my baby in English so it was a bit weird.

Aside from the baby fun, I learned that I could go watch movies with Terran. Certain theaters have mom and baby movie time once a week where they lower the sound and leave some lights on in the theater. If the baby starts crying, one can just walk the isles with the baby, feed him, or comfort him in whatever way because all the other moms are doing the same. What a great idea. I think I will go see a movie with Terran next week.

as i get older....

birthdays become less and less meaningful. It's just another day, another year. Pat doesn't even remember how old he is anymore. So he asks me how old I am and figures out how old he is. And here we are, counting the months and weeks of our baby since birth. It's definitely a shift in focus.

But last night, my friends got together for me for a birthday dinner with a candled flan and birthday song and all! It was a nice reminder that I turned 29! Thank you!!!

happy birthday to me!

Today was my birthday. We decided to go have a nice lunch at the Getty and hang around the gardens for the afternoon. It sounded like a good idea until Terran decided not to take a nap and got all grumpy on us during lunch. He started crying in the restaurant so I had to take him outside while Pat finished his lunch.... For the record, I had striped bass (yum) and Pat had Oxtail something or another. Terran snuck a few sips from me at the table as well.....

We went to see my favorite cactus garden. With a stroller, it's really hard to get there. It was beautiful and downtown was visible behind smog. The cactus were much bigger than when we first saw them a few years ago. They even had little baby cactus. Very cute.

Terran eventually fell asleep in his stroller so Pat and I lied down on the grass and took a quick nap. Felt like we were playing hooky. What a day. I was exhausted.

la leche league

My stress-free, worry-free days are over. That's what I seem to be doing most of the time these days. Due to nursing strike brought on by Terran, I have been exhausted, worried, helpless, and stressed. So I decided to go to La Leche League meeting to talk about my problem and ask for advice.

When we got there, I noticed lots of kids and lots of boobs. La Leche League, as advocates of breastfeeding, I guess the whole senario made sense. There were babies as young as Terran to toddlers, I guess about 2 years old. Despite their age, they were all still nursing. Women with giant breasts, comfortably sitting and nursing their little ones. That's what I noticed when we got there.

The most important thing was that the moms assured me that they had gone through exactly what Terran and I were going through at the moment. It could be for a number of reasons. But their attitude was yes it's difficult but it happens. It was comforting to know that we were not alone.

Since the meeting was about 1.5 hours, I had to put Terran down on the floor. I put him down on his tummy, and by accident, woops, he rolled over to his back for the first time! I was shocked and surprised but he seemed surprised as well. So we tried again and he did it again. He seemed to be liking it.

Towards the end, I decided to join the boobs and tried feeding Terran. I was a bit afraid but he must have been hungry because to my delight, he was able to nurse for about 5 minutes before he came off crying. Yay!

I'm going to try finding La Leche League when we get to NJ.

purpose driven life

I got the book from the library with the best intention of finding my life's purpose. After flipping through a few chapters and discovering that it was too Christian, I had to put it down. I wouldn't have minded if there were verses from the Bible here and there. But when the guy started saying stuff like there's no life without Jesus, my connection and interest in the book ended there. Too bad. So I am still floating without purpose....