Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Post partum days
Some women go through post partum depression. I can hardly say that I am going through that now. I am happy and feel pretty much back to my normal self (except for 15lbs more to loose). The only thing is that at night, when I am so tired, tears just start rolling down my face. There's nothing wrong, and I don't have any regrets, but I need to have a good long cry. Just because.... Pat has been good to me about this. He doesn't ask any questions but just lets me wet his shoulder.
without sleep
The longest sleep I've gotten since Terran was born is 3 continuous hours. I've heard people saying that you get little sleep in the beginning but I never understood what that meant. Now I know. Having always loved my sleep so much, I wonder how I do it, and how all the other mothers do it. The power of responsibility to provide love and sustenance to this little person goes a long way.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Commencement address by Steve Jobs
My father emailed all of us, the Commencement address by Steve Jobs delivered on June 12, 2005 at Stanford University. It reflects his belief and what I would like to live by.
What I took from his speech: "Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do."
What I took from his speech: "Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do."
Thursday, July 14, 2005
My son
His name is Terran Wai Chow. He was born on July 9, 2005. At birth, he was 6.5 pounds and 18.75 inches. He is very healthy. He eats a lot, pees a lot, and shits a lot. He sleeps well during the day, and not so well at night....
When we mass emailed our family and friends and regarding Terran's arrival, we got many responses back indicating same birthday as his. They include:
Odysseus - Patrick's advisor's son who turned 4 that day.
Tuktun - Joy's husband. Joy's my architecture buddy from Berkeley and they now live in Thailand. At first, Joy and I tried to keep in touch via snail mail, just because neither of us get any personal snail mails these days. But for obvious modern reasons, our communication is now via email. It seems to make more sense.
Li Qiao - My friend and roommate from Berkeley. She lives in Alhambra and we see her at least once a week. She remains one of my closer friends from Berkeley.
Li Wei - Li Qiao's little brother.
Mei Xiang's cub - little panda bear was born in D.C. on July 9. According to website, cubs are born at 3 to 5 oz. and the caretakers were not absolutely sure that Mei Xiang was pregnant until she actually gave birth. Mom stayed with the cub day and night until she finally left for a break on the 5th day to get herself some water.
Happy Birthday to all who share that special day!
at the hospital: 6cm to the finish line
Boy was she wrong about that. After the doctor left, my contraction quickly began to escalate. They were coming at about 3 minutes apart, but the pain was unimaginable. I could hardly relax between contractions and my whole body shook wildly with each. I told Pat to get the nurse because it was just getting so bad and I didn't know how to handle the pain. When she got to the room, she saw the monitor and saw that I was in pain. Since I was shaking so much, she asked if I wanted more epidural where I eagerly responded yes.
After the epidural at 5cm, the strength of contraction escalated pretty quickly. I can't remember that second epidural giving me any relief at all. The nurse wanted to check to see how much I was dialated but I told her I couldn't let her do that because I was hurting so much. She was an experienced nurse and was very calm through my very bitchy attitude. She told me that I had to let her check me "for the baby". I guess that struck a chord with me so I let her examine me. She told me that I was 7 to 8cm dialated. This was unexpected because I went from 5 cm to 8cm in a very short time. Each contraction is suppose to last anywhere between a minute to 90 seconds. At this point, the monitor showed that my contraction was very strong and lasted for what seemed like eternity. When I saw the monitor, the contraction began, escalated, fluctuated, but it never came down. I was in tears and Pat stared at the monitor in disbelief. This is definitely not what the lamaze class taught us.
At this point, the nurse called that doctor to come back because I was ready. After the phone call, the nurse examined me and I was 9 cm dialated. I knew from the lamaze class that I was not suppose to push until 10cm. So for a few dialation, I tried to ease the pain by blowing out air from my mouth instead of pushing. Finally, I couldn't bare anymore and the need to push was too great. I asked the nurse if I can start pushing now and she gave me an OK. This gave me great relief and I started to push. Each contraction was now a minute apart and a minute long. But after pushing for a minute I was able to relax completely to began pushing again. At first, I was screaming when I pushed but the nurse told me that that was not the way to do it. I was suppose to hold my lips together and push.
The doctor came back pretty quickly as I was pushing. She seemed to be saying that she can feel the baby's head. Pat was peaking to see if he can see but I don't think he saw anything at this point. I continued pushing until everyone could see the baby's head. The nurse positioned a big mirror so that I could see but with all the blood and other stuff down there, no, I could not see the baby's head.
The pressure was really great by this point. The baby's body was pushing down on my bladder, and I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. This lasted for about 45 minutes or so. It felt like the baby was stalled at the same position and couldn't come out. I was lying down on my back at first, but we decided to look sideways to see if it works. I also went on my knees and pushed, but to me nothing seemed to be changing the position of the baby and the pressure was unbarable.
At the end, I decided to go on my right side and push. Maybe because I've been pushing for so long but for some reason, this worked. I felt the baby's head coming out. Even though it was still painful, this was a big relief for me because I felt progress. I heard Pat telling me to keep push and not to give up. He told me that I'm almost there, so I kept pushing. The pain and the pressure were so great at this point that I bit down hard into the bed rail. Although I did not see what was going on, I felt that the baby's head was out. And soon, once his shoulders were out, the rest of the body slid out quickly.
And there he was. My precious little Terran. The nurse cleaned out stuff from his nose and mouth. He started to cry and was handed to me to hold. At this point, I just couldn't believe that I had squeezed this thing out of my body. I couldn't believe that something so beautiful was growing inside my body all these months. Terran is a sign of perfection. He has everything that a male body should have and I was amazed by nature's awesome design, process, and creation.
After the epidural at 5cm, the strength of contraction escalated pretty quickly. I can't remember that second epidural giving me any relief at all. The nurse wanted to check to see how much I was dialated but I told her I couldn't let her do that because I was hurting so much. She was an experienced nurse and was very calm through my very bitchy attitude. She told me that I had to let her check me "for the baby". I guess that struck a chord with me so I let her examine me. She told me that I was 7 to 8cm dialated. This was unexpected because I went from 5 cm to 8cm in a very short time. Each contraction is suppose to last anywhere between a minute to 90 seconds. At this point, the monitor showed that my contraction was very strong and lasted for what seemed like eternity. When I saw the monitor, the contraction began, escalated, fluctuated, but it never came down. I was in tears and Pat stared at the monitor in disbelief. This is definitely not what the lamaze class taught us.
At this point, the nurse called that doctor to come back because I was ready. After the phone call, the nurse examined me and I was 9 cm dialated. I knew from the lamaze class that I was not suppose to push until 10cm. So for a few dialation, I tried to ease the pain by blowing out air from my mouth instead of pushing. Finally, I couldn't bare anymore and the need to push was too great. I asked the nurse if I can start pushing now and she gave me an OK. This gave me great relief and I started to push. Each contraction was now a minute apart and a minute long. But after pushing for a minute I was able to relax completely to began pushing again. At first, I was screaming when I pushed but the nurse told me that that was not the way to do it. I was suppose to hold my lips together and push.
The doctor came back pretty quickly as I was pushing. She seemed to be saying that she can feel the baby's head. Pat was peaking to see if he can see but I don't think he saw anything at this point. I continued pushing until everyone could see the baby's head. The nurse positioned a big mirror so that I could see but with all the blood and other stuff down there, no, I could not see the baby's head.
The pressure was really great by this point. The baby's body was pushing down on my bladder, and I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. This lasted for about 45 minutes or so. It felt like the baby was stalled at the same position and couldn't come out. I was lying down on my back at first, but we decided to look sideways to see if it works. I also went on my knees and pushed, but to me nothing seemed to be changing the position of the baby and the pressure was unbarable.
At the end, I decided to go on my right side and push. Maybe because I've been pushing for so long but for some reason, this worked. I felt the baby's head coming out. Even though it was still painful, this was a big relief for me because I felt progress. I heard Pat telling me to keep push and not to give up. He told me that I'm almost there, so I kept pushing. The pain and the pressure were so great at this point that I bit down hard into the bed rail. Although I did not see what was going on, I felt that the baby's head was out. And soon, once his shoulders were out, the rest of the body slid out quickly.
And there he was. My precious little Terran. The nurse cleaned out stuff from his nose and mouth. He started to cry and was handed to me to hold. At this point, I just couldn't believe that I had squeezed this thing out of my body. I couldn't believe that something so beautiful was growing inside my body all these months. Terran is a sign of perfection. He has everything that a male body should have and I was amazed by nature's awesome design, process, and creation.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
at the hospital: 1cm to 5cm
When we got there, I was first put into Triage to check out what's going on. At that point, the nurse told me that yes, my water was ruptured, and i was 1 to 2 cm dialated. She told us that we will be admitted for labor. At that point, I felt relief that the pain in the last 6 hours wasn't for no reason. We also both agreed that we are hardly ready for this. Water was still running between my legs and wetting the bed. The nurse helped me to get up and transfered me to a big LDR room, where, I was to spend the next 5 hours or so.
When the nurse saw that I was 3 to 4 cm dialated, she asked if I wanted medication to help me through labor. I told her that I was considering getting epidural. She said OK and got the doctor to give me the medication right away. I wasn't so sure if I wanted to get the epidural so early because I felt that I was still able to handle the pain. The Lamaze class taught me that you can get the medication while you are dialated anywhere between 3 to 7cm. I expressed my hesitation at that time but they told me that my pain will only increase and it's best to do it at that time.
The process of putting in the epidural spanned through 3 or 4 contraction. (I have no idea how many minutes that was....) It was difficult to focus on the breathing through the contraction while the doctor was poking things in my back. They also added another tube to my bladder since I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom anymore. This was a weird and uncomfortable feeling. I think what they did was put a tube through where I would usually urinate and hooked it up to the bladder to pump out the urine. It felt like I needed to go pee but I couldn't but that was OK since that tube took care of it. It was very uncomfortable. In addition to all this, the nurse told me that I had to wear oxygen mask because the baby's heartbeat dropped each time I had contraction. Regularly, his heartbeat should have gone up with the contraction. So at this point, I had IV in my arm along with some sort of antibiotics, epidural in my back, tube to my bladder, and oxygen mask on my face. Lying in a hospital bed with all these tubes hooked up to me was a new experience for a regularly healthy person.
The suggestion to give my the epidural early was a good one because the strength of the contractions escalated between 4 to 5 cm. With the epidural, it blocked out the pain but there was still a lot of uncomfortable pressure. Everytime I had a contraction, I felt like I had to go pee and boo at the same time but couldn't do either. The pressure and what felt like pain was so strong that my body started shaking and I started yelling at each contraction. All through these contractions, Patrick stood next to me, helpless and just encouraging me to breath through them. I can imagine that it must have been difficult and exhausting for him to go through this with me when there was really nothing he could have done. He just held my hand and gave me ice chips. The doctor came to see me when I was 5 cm dialated. It must have been around 10:00 or 10:30am. She left pretty quickly saying that I have a long way to go until I get to 10 cm when I can start pushing.
When the nurse saw that I was 3 to 4 cm dialated, she asked if I wanted medication to help me through labor. I told her that I was considering getting epidural. She said OK and got the doctor to give me the medication right away. I wasn't so sure if I wanted to get the epidural so early because I felt that I was still able to handle the pain. The Lamaze class taught me that you can get the medication while you are dialated anywhere between 3 to 7cm. I expressed my hesitation at that time but they told me that my pain will only increase and it's best to do it at that time.
The process of putting in the epidural spanned through 3 or 4 contraction. (I have no idea how many minutes that was....) It was difficult to focus on the breathing through the contraction while the doctor was poking things in my back. They also added another tube to my bladder since I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom anymore. This was a weird and uncomfortable feeling. I think what they did was put a tube through where I would usually urinate and hooked it up to the bladder to pump out the urine. It felt like I needed to go pee but I couldn't but that was OK since that tube took care of it. It was very uncomfortable. In addition to all this, the nurse told me that I had to wear oxygen mask because the baby's heartbeat dropped each time I had contraction. Regularly, his heartbeat should have gone up with the contraction. So at this point, I had IV in my arm along with some sort of antibiotics, epidural in my back, tube to my bladder, and oxygen mask on my face. Lying in a hospital bed with all these tubes hooked up to me was a new experience for a regularly healthy person.
The suggestion to give my the epidural early was a good one because the strength of the contractions escalated between 4 to 5 cm. With the epidural, it blocked out the pain but there was still a lot of uncomfortable pressure. Everytime I had a contraction, I felt like I had to go pee and boo at the same time but couldn't do either. The pressure and what felt like pain was so strong that my body started shaking and I started yelling at each contraction. All through these contractions, Patrick stood next to me, helpless and just encouraging me to breath through them. I can imagine that it must have been difficult and exhausting for him to go through this with me when there was really nothing he could have done. He just held my hand and gave me ice chips. The doctor came to see me when I was 5 cm dialated. It must have been around 10:00 or 10:30am. She left pretty quickly saying that I have a long way to go until I get to 10 cm when I can start pushing.
After a long day
Friday was another regularly busy day at work.... For dinner, Pat and I went to visit Jen and her boyfriend for dinner at his apartment near LAX. The food was great, the company was good, and we came home exhausted from the week. After crawling into bed, Pat fell asleep right away. I was up reading London Bridges by James Patterson when I felt a thud in my body around 12:30am. I immediately felt like going to the bathroom. There I saw this whitish substance coming out. I was pretty calm about it and thought that maybe it was my mucus plug coming out. After all, I was suppose to have 3 more weeks of pregnancy.
The pain during the first 3 hours was extremely bareable. It was so light that I didn't wake up Patrick. I thought that maybe they would go away. Even if it was the actually labor pains, I wanted him to get some sleep before we have to go through it.
At 3am, I woke him up because my back was killing me. The pain came about every 5 minutes by then, and they we mostly in my back. Pat tried to help me ease the pain by forcefully rolling 2 tennis size balls on my back.
At 5:30am, the pain was still persistant. I figured out by this time that they are contractions. Pat finally called the doctor, who told us to go to the hospital, just in case....
The pain during the first 3 hours was extremely bareable. It was so light that I didn't wake up Patrick. I thought that maybe they would go away. Even if it was the actually labor pains, I wanted him to get some sleep before we have to go through it.
At 3am, I woke him up because my back was killing me. The pain came about every 5 minutes by then, and they we mostly in my back. Pat tried to help me ease the pain by forcefully rolling 2 tennis size balls on my back.
At 5:30am, the pain was still persistant. I figured out by this time that they are contractions. Pat finally called the doctor, who told us to go to the hospital, just in case....
Monday, July 04, 2005
Terran's stuff
He's not even born yet and he has so much stuff! I'm usually in a habit of throwing out un-needed things, or trying not to buy things that are not necessary. Partly because I move so damn much, partly because I've only lived in small apartments, but mostly because I hate clutter! But over the months, our little Terran has received so many gifts from so many people, that now we have a room full of his stuff. I thought he was taking up an awful lot of space in my body, but he's definitely taking up way too much space in our apartment.... Problem with baby stuff is that they are big and oddly shaped. There's nothing I can neatly hide away in the closet, so they have to stay out on the floor, where they all look cluttered, and messy. So this will be my life for the next few years. I better just accept it.
Cool Creator
On the last Friday of each month, our company puts together a luncheon where we talk about office stuff, people's anniversaries and birthdays, show film, and present an award called Cool Creator. So this month, I was awarded as the Cool Creator. It's sort of like the employee of the month. They recognized my work during the 6 months I've been there, gave me a nicely laminated sheet that shows the month and the year, with a statement of my achievement. I thought that it was a very nice gesture and felt really good about being a Cool Creator, and having my work recognized in this form. I realized that having simple incentives like this make for a good and encouraging working environment where people feel recognized for the effort they put in. In the short time that I've been working there, I've also received an unexpected bonus, and a "mother's day" gift certificate to a nice restaurant. All these were totally unimaginable at the old work place. There's also been no figer pointing in the projects that I'm on, and if there were problems, we deal with it collectively. Also totally unimaginable at the old work place....
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